Justin's Life... April 1-7, 1996

Justin's Life... April 1-7, 1996

April 1, 1996

1:18AM Technically April 2, 1996

After Larry and I got home from dinner with Don & Vish, Frank called to say that he wouldn't be able to go up to the ranch as we went, but would probably meet us there Saturday afternoon. I pleaded for him to go ahead and ride along with us, but he said that he couldn't. He then got detailed directions as to the ranch's location from Larry.

Saturday morning at the ranch, I woke, shaved, picked out koool clothes -- and nice underwear -- in anticipation of Frank's arrival. Nevertheless, Saturday afternoon brought about Frank's phone call. This time he said he wasn't going to be able to go to the ranch after all, but would probably see me on Sunday night when we got back. I'd shaved two days in a row (which is very unusual for me). It was like I was beating my head against a wall.

Sunday morning, I shaved yet once again in anticipation of Frank's arrival. Sunday night, Larry and I got back and Frank once again called to say that he wasn't going to make it, but would almost certainly come by after work Monday night. Three days in a row of almost-plans being broken at the last minute. Frank was cute, koool, and all that, but I couldn't keep setting myself up only to have him call at the last minute to cancel. I typed out the following to relay to his voice mail:
"Hey Frank, Justin here. I was just calling to say that tomorrow night won't work. I already have dinner plans, and Tuesday I'm scheduled to spend the day at Disneyland with someone. Wednesday's free as far as I know, but I head out at ten Wednesday night, so I'm sure that things will be hectic. I guess basically, what I'm trying to say is that you're cute, have a koool personality and all, but I can't keep getting my hopes up on you only to have you do something else without thinking twice about me or Larry. First the day after I met you when I thought you might take me out to a club or something. Then Friday when you said you'd probably come up to the ranch on Saturday and now today, when I thought you were going to come over here tonight. I mean, if you'd called during the day or something just to say that your plans had changed. I got all psyched up about meeting you again only to have you not show. Anyway, if you'd like to get together before I fly back to Boston, I'm all for it, but I can't keep re-arranging my schedule and getting my hopes up for something that doesn't happen. OK, hope to see you soon. Talk to you later, bye."

So I called his number and left that message, adding "um"s & "and"s and changing inflections to make it sound unrehearsed.

This morning, the tentative dinner plans that I had for tonight were cancelled. I called Frank's number and left a message with the news.

At around 1:30PM, I got a call from Frank during his lunch break. He said that he got my "Hey Frank, Justin here." message and was sorry that he'd flaked out so many times. I reiterated why it was exhausting to get psyched up about him then deflate at the last minute. He apparently hadn't checked his voice mail today, so I told him of the changed dinner plans. He said that he'd call again after work and said good-bye.

At around 6PM, Larry and I arrived home to find that Frank had called to say he was "swinging by." I quickly changed my shorts and underwear, brushed my teeth, and came back upstairs. A bit later, there was a knock at the door: It was Frank.

In his arms, he had a bouquet of flowers. He handed them to me as I smiled largely and said thanks. A minute or two later, he got a package labelled, "To: Justin" out of his bag. Inside it, I found a shirt from Fox, the television/movie company. It seemed hard to believe that the guy who was so thoughtless as to not call so many times was the same guy that had brought flowers and given me this t-shirt. I gave him a hug and soon after, as Frank was talking to Val, Larry beckoned me into the living room. He said if I wanted to give Frank something, a chocolate peanut butter egg and a card were in the garage.

I went into the garage, found the egg, and wrote "Frank, I had a really nice time having dinner Wednesday night. Thanks, Justin." in the card. I could still hear Val in the kitchen, so I left the egg and returned inside. Soon, though, she left and I went back in the garage. I returned with the chocolate egg and gave it to Frank. He said thanks and the three of us continued talking.

Time passed and it came time for dinner. I'd already expressed that I thought it would be cozier if we ordered in, but Larry said he needed to stay with Ralph (his sick dog) and the two of us should go out. When Larry asked Frank for his opinion, Frank suggested we have Mexican food delivered.

Larry called a number, we listened to a menu, called in the order, and Larry left to pick it up. While he was gone, I gave Frank a quick computer tutorial and we went downstairs to check e-mail. When Larry returned, he paged us on the intercom and we came back upstairs to eat in the kitchen.

During dinner, I drank several glasses of Pepsi and threw in a glass of Vodka in hopes that it would loosen me up. It had near no effect.

After dinner was over, Larry attended to Ralph while Frank and I put the plates in the dishwasher. I desperately wanted to hug him, to flirt, to somehow see that he was attracted to me, but I managed to keep my hands to myself. I mean, I knew he knew that I liked him. If the feeling had been mutual, I was sure he would have done something to flirt back.

Larry returned and the subject of the hot tub came up. Larry suggested that the two of us get in it and we went outside to feel how warm it was. Frank thought it was cold, but I told him that it would be warmer when he got in the water. Shortly thereafter, he went inside and told Larry he needed a bathing suit.

Larry responded that he didn't need a bathing suit, that we (as in Frank and I) were big boys. I explained that I was the same way the first time Larry wanted me to get in the hot tub. I then waited to see what Frank did. He took off everything down to his undershirt and briefs then went onto the dimly lit deck. There, he took off his shirt and then his briefs. I could already feel myself start to vibrate.

I followed suit and got into the hot tub myself. The two of us sat across from each other, as far away from one another as possible. As time passed, though, I touched Frank's leg and commented on how hairy it was. He lifted it out of the water to show me and I moved my hand up from his foot to his knee, which was above water, all the way to his thigh, which was beneath.

More time passed and I moved my hands up and down his legs. I asked if he minded that I was touching him and he said no. He'd still shown no interest in me, though, so I sorta felt wierd... like he was cooperating just to be nice but really wasn't interested. The shear attraction to him, nonetheless, won out and kept my hands going.

A while later, Frank suggested that we stretch out and we moved so that we were side-by-side, in the long direction of the hot tub. We were slightly touching, my arm on his chest, when Larry arrived with a glass of wine for Frank and a Pepsi & vodka for me. Frank asked if he could have some water instead and Larry returned shortly thereafter with a glass. I figured Larry would return with his camera or to get in himself, but that was the last we saw of him.

So anyway, Frank and I were laying in the hot tub side-by-side when I once again commented on how hairy his legs were. He smiled and moved them so that they were resting on the cover, out of the water. I stared and touched and soon, he told me to put my legs up. I did and mine looked solid white compared to his. He said as much and a bit later, I put mine back in the water. But as I put my legs back into the water, I moved my left leg so that it was underneath him. As he released some of the tension from his neck caused as he floated himself in the water, he came to be sitting on my leg.

Somehow we began to talk about a college, I forget the name, where every sexual advance has to have explicit permission beforehand. He asked, "So do mind if I sit on your leg?" I said no and added that we weren't at that college.

As we sat there with the water pounding against us, I ran my hand across his chest, on his stomach, and down his legs. We continued talking and soon he'd positioned himself so that my now arroused member was touching his thigh. I took that as my signal to go ahead and I moved my hand to gently touch him. Our faces were inches apart and I wanted to kiss him with all my being. I could see he, too, was looking at my lips and so I started moving my face closer to his. Just as I was a couple of inches from his lips, he began asking, "Can I ki..." I continued and our lips met as he finished his sentence. We kissed and kissed and kissed. His lips were small on his large face and his tongue forceful. It was like nothing I've experienced before.

We continued to kiss and our hands moved over the other's body. He held the back of my head as pressed his face hard against mine. I moved my hands to feel his butt and to touch him. I nibbled his ear as he nibbled mine. He drank some water from his glass then as he kissed me, the water ran into my mouth. It was literally as though we were in another world.

For what seemed like a long time yet much too short, the two of us pressed our bodies to the other and kissed passionately. I was euphoric.

Time came, though, for us to get out of the hot tub and return to reality. I waited for Frank to stand, so that I'd have the longest possible time staring at his naked wet body. He did and I followed. I handed Frank a towel as he asked me if I'd run him a hot shower. I was more than happy to, so after I wrapped a towel around myself, I went inside to Larry's bathroom and turned the water on.

Frank towelled off himself then came inside. Once he'd made it inside the bathroom, he dropped his towel onto the tub and got in the shower. I stood outside the glass shower door, just looking in awe, until Frank asked me how to change the shower head. He opened the door and I showed him.

I walked back into the bedroom and Larry, who was on his computer, asked me why I didn't take a shower with Frank. It sounded like a great idea to me. (Oddity about me; there's a major wild boy inside me. He just needs someone to pull him out.)

I walked back into the bathroom and saw that Frank was still fiddling with the shower heads. I asked him if he needed some help. To which, he paused then responded, "Yeah... you can take a shower with me... if you want." I dropped my towel and went inside.

After looking through the body care products on the shower shelf, Frank put some shampoo from the Body Shop in his hand and rubbed it into my hair. I reciprocated.

As we moved from shampoo, to conditioner, to body gel, our hands began to explore the other again. The water running down our bodies and the slipperiness of the care products began to take its toll: Before long, we were moving to a rhythmic motion and kissing yet again.

And yet, before the rhythm resulted in anything, we got out of the shower and towelled off. Once he was dry, he pulled the scale from under the sink and layed his towel down. I couldn't resist seeing him like that and gave him a kiss on the thigh. When he got off the scale, he said it was my turn. I, too, put my towel down and stood on the scale.

Frank proceeded to apply baby powder and so forth, and in the meantime, I kept caressing him, obsessing over how cute he was and touching him gently in all the right spots.

He and I then put on boxers and watched TV with Larry (who, by the way, remained fully clothed). As midnight neared, Frank said he needed to head home because of an early day at work tomorrow. I helped re-dress him and we walked to the door. First, he gave Larry a hug, then he quickly kissed me as he said good-bye. Larry & I walked him to the gate and I re-said how I had a GREAT time. He got in his car and drove away. I've been awestruck ever since.

April 4, 1996


Tuesday, I pretty much spent the entire day reliving the day before... each and every moment... the kisses and hugs... everything. Needless to say, I was on an extreme high. One thing of note, though, was that during the day Larry asked me, "So do you think you'll see Frank again?" I answered, "Do I think I'll see him again? No. Do I want to see him again? Yes." Frank's like no one that I've ever gone out with before... and that's exactly his appeal. Frank's a sort of wonderer and a partier. Not someone that you can really plan something with, but wow, he is amazing.

Anyway, Tuesday night, I decided to send Frank a card, telling him just how great a time I had, and off to the Glendale Galleria I went.

I walked around the mall for a bit and soon found the Hallmark store where I personalized a Road Runner card. Afterwards, I made another card thanking Larry for being such a great host the night before. -- If I could go back, I honestly wouldn't change a thing. The night was perfect. --

When I got back home, Larry said, "Uhhh... that guy... um... Frank... he didn't call." He was trying to be smart and get my hopes up, but I didn't fall for it for half a second. Not one part of me expected Frank to call, but oddly enough, an hour or so later, he did.

We talked for a while about the night before and near the end of the conversation, Frank said something about getting together for lunch. I told him that I already had lunch plans for the next day, Wednesday, and asked about dinner. He reminded me that he had to go to a birthday party. So I asked about lunch on Thursday. He said his break was from 1PM to 2PM and I should call the next day to arrange it.

Last night, I called Frank's number, expecting to tell the voice mail that I'd like do lunch and requesting that he call back to arrange the meeting place and so on. Instead, I got Frank in person. He was asleep but woke up enough to talk for a few minutes and give me directions to the food court near his workplace.

This morning, I woke at around 8:30AM and started getting ready for lunch. I took a shower, shaved twice (once down and once up), picked out my clothes and even asked Larry which shirt was best.

By 10AM, I'd finished preparing and a little later, we left for the office. I got more concise directions from some of the staff, then headed out to arrive at outdoor shopping area at noon.

With an hour to kill, I walked around the various stores and eventually found the large food court where I thought we were supposed to meet. We hadn't set a specific location, so I walked around, making sure that he hadn't gotten off early, and ended up in the bookstore. I bought four postcards and returned to a table near one of the entrances. I wrote a couple to my friends back home, but as I was writing the second one, Frank walked up and smiled.

I stood and he said that he needed to go to the bank or else he'd be fasting. I told him that it was ok, that I'd pay, but he said no and towards the bank we went. As we walked, I handed him a little metallic bag, stuffed with a present beneath green grass tissue paper. He said for me to keep it, that he'd open it when we sat down to eat. I took the bag back, and we continued on to the bank, then returned to the food court.

From there, Frank named possible places to eat. I said whatever he wanted was fine (He probably could have suggested we eat out of the dumpster and I would have agreed. ), and he chose a little Italian place.

As we stood in line, he asked me what I'd like and I questioned his wanting to know. -- I still wanted to pay. -- He answered, "So that I can order," which implied that he was going to pay but was koool because he was ordering for me (like the "man" would do. ) I told him that I wanted the Pasta Alfredo, and he ordered that and his own entree. He then asked me what I wanted to drink. When I said Cherry Coke, he ordered that for me as well. As we neared the cash register, I got money from my pocket to pay for both meals. Frank, however, insisted otherwise and gave the cashier his money before I could.

April 7, 1996


Frank and I got our entrees and walked over to a table by the walkway and sun. Before we began eating, though, I once again handed him the metallic bag. He removed the green grass on top to find a small, stuffed bunny rabbit beneath. He said thank you, smiled, then lunch continued. -- I mean, I knew Frank wasn't a stuffed animal guy, but I'd given him the chocolate egg on Monday and flowers were too cumbersome to give him at a lunch. -- Anyway, conversation in our initial meetings had been limited, so Frank and I got to better know the details of the other by discussing things like families and living arrangements. Soon, though, lunch was over and the two of us started walked towards the bookstore.

When we'd gotten inside, I asked Frank what he was looking for and he said he needed a copy of the Farmer's Almanac, that he was having a party later this month and needed to see the weather forecast. I told him that he was crazy, that he's in California, where it's always sunny. He nevertheless got a copy of the booklet and read the forecast aloud.

From the bookstore,we walked back into the food court and Frank said he needed to blow his nose before returning to work. As he was walking down the corridor where the bathroom was located, I jokingly asked him if he needed any help. He responded that he did. I, however, stayed outside.

Frank opened the door a few seconds later and asked me to come inside with him. When I was there, he informed me that he'd wanted me to hold his stuff, but managed to sit it on the hand dryer instead. I turned around to leave and as I was walking out the door, Frank said, "You've seen me naked. I think you can watch me blow my nose." It just so happened, though, that as I was leaving, another guy was entering. He at least heard Frank say that I could watch him blow his nose if not the whole "You've seen me naked" part. Needless to say, we both had a good laugh about the whole deal when Frank got outside.

It was then time for Frank to return to work, so he walked me towards the car and said he'd see me later Thursday evening at Dan's writing party. -- Dan was whom I had lunch with on Wednesday at the Broadway Deli. During the meal, we discussed college and writing, but we also talked about Frank since, of course, the diary came up. Long story short, Dan's company was looking for someone with Frank's qualifications. The informal writing party at a chinese restuarant seemed ideal for them to meet.


Thursday night, Larry and I arrived at the restuarant to find Dan and to introduce ourselves to a guy who I think was named Chris. Minutes more, Frank and another guest, David (a guy who reminded me of Josh Charles in Threesome), arrived until most of the party had been assembled. On my side of the table, I sat between Dan and David. On the other, Chris sat next to Larry who sat next to Frank. I'd liked to have sat next to Frank but figured sitting next to Dan and David would keep my mind on the subject at hand.

Apparently, my thoughts were overheard by a cosmic being because Dan suggested we move to a larger table as other guests arrived. In the move, I sat next to Frank.

During dinner, we talked about everything from movies, to USC, to careers. Most of the time, several conversations were occuring simultaneously and I alternated my attentions between them. (And for the most part, I was successful, but on a couple of occasions, I was paying too much attention to Frank. )

One conversation topic that everyone paid attention to was when Larry asked, "So who at this table is gay?" --We'd earlier talked about writing from struggle and the "gay experience" was mentioned.-- I'd already gaydared the appropriate attendants and thus the question seemed a little redundant to me. Anyway, as the looks went around the table, the hands began to rise. Turns out, nearly everyone was. The minority had been reversed and the atmosphere changed 150 degrees. (It wasn't quite a total change, but pretty close. ). The flirting which had been going on before came in full force... and the new minority seemed slightly aghast. I can only imagine it as my sitting at a table full of guys whom I thought were gay only to find out that I was completely wrong.

Before long, the meal was over and the conversations started to die. In the meantime, I was drooling over Frank and wondering what would happen after we left.

When we got outside twenty or so minutes later, Dan, David, Frank, Larry, and I started talking. Dan & Frank spoke for a bit about the potential work position and David & I talked about USC. Dan and David then headed off and Frank, Larry, & I agreed to meet at Musso & Frank's Grille for a martini.

When we arrived a few minutes later, Frank got out of his car and took his pants off. I'd known he wasn't wearing underwear during dinner because he'd said he'd rollerbladed for hours and they were wet with sweat. In the parking lot, however, I got to see that he wasn't wearing any as he hung between the slit in his button-down shirt. (And like I've said, Frank's appeal is that he is completely opposite of me. I can't see myself ever changing clothes in a parking lot... especially not outside of the car.)

The three of us went inside and the two of them had a couple martinis. It was late, though, and the place was soon closed. Back in the parking lot, Larry & I asked Frank where he was going from there. I told him that he should come over and after an initial hesitation, he agreed.

I rode in the car with Frank and a few minutes later, we were back at Larry's house. We watched a little TV while I obsessed over Frank's legs and Larry layed on the bed behind him. Like I said, though, it was late and Frank was tired. The two of us went downstairs and Frank asked where I was sleeping. I said in the bed and he said no, that it was his bed, that I was sleeping on the couch. I knew otherwise, but walked towards the couch anyway. He responded, "What are you doing?" in a playful tone then told me to get in the bed.

I got under the covers and told him that he's a very hard guy to read. One minute I think he's totally not interested in me and the next, he's kissing me. So after that quick conversation, we layed next to each other. One touch led to another and the two of us began kissing. We caressed for a while then Frank said he needed to go to sleep. I held out for a bit longer, then complied.

At around 8AM, I woke to find myself coverless: Frank had pulled them all onto himself. I layed for a while, being cold and contemplating what to do, when I finally decided to pull some of the cover back. When I did, Frank jerked it back from me and said, "I need to be comfortable." What a bitch. He had the entire sheet and entire blanket all to himself and dared to say, "I need to be comfortable" just so that he could put the cover between his legs.

I layed there a while longer, pretty much dumbfounded about Frank's attitude towards me, both sexually & regarding the covers, and then decided I'd put a sweatshirt on & deal with his attitude later. When I got back on the bed, sweatshirt going over my head, Frank asked me what I was doing. I told him what had just happened and he completely didn't believe me. He said that he must have been asleep and gave me some of the cover. I crawled back into bed and snuggled next to him.

At around 10AM, I woke once again and began to kiss on Frank. He was laying on his front and so I kissed him from the back of his neck to down to the bottom of his butt. After a while of that, I started wondering if Frank was aware. I asked as much and he said that he was, that he was simply relaxing and enjoying it.

By the time Frank got out of bed at 11AM, I'd managed to turn him over and pay attention to his frontside as well. He quickly showered, said good-bye with a kiss on the cheek for Larry and a kiss on the lips for me, then headed off to meet a female friend of his for lunch.

Click here to move on to the next set of entries.

© 1996 Justin Clouse

Justin's Koool Page