Justin's Life... July 6-16, 1996

Justin's Life... July 6-16, 1996

July 6, 1996


Saturday morning, I woke in the bed next to Larry. He got up and I went back to bed.

Saturday afternoon, Larry and I talked with Lance to see if he was going to come down. He said that he would if he didn't hear from his friends and that if he did hear from them, he'd come down after the birthday party if he wasn't too tired.

So anyway, later Saturday afternoon, Larry and I went to the Price Club to buy an air conditioner. I'd mentioned earlier in the week of how my shoes were starting to fall apart, so while we were there, Larry bought me two pairs of Skechers shoes.

And yet later Saturday afternoon, Larry and I started discussing Hawaii. He still said how I wasn't going and this, that, and the other and I was feeling less than wonderful. I wondered why I could fill almost the exact same role as Lance, but I was the one getting left behind. We talked for several minutes and finally I broke down and told Larry that I saw the fax. He said that he'd already changed his mind about that and that I wasn't going. By this time, I'd already exhausted both the subject and myself, so I didn't argue too much. Larry said he needed the time to better get to know Lance and I realized he was right. I mean, I wasn't happy, but I wasn't nearly as unhappy as I'd been earlier in the week.

Saturday night, Larry said he wanted to see a movie. I hadn't seen any of the current releases and since Lance isn't a movie fan, it worked out great. We called around and eventually chose to watch The Cable Guy (which, by the way, had more gay undertones than I could believe).

Once it was over, Larry and I grabbed a bite to eat at T.G.I.Friday's and called Lance's place from the cell phone. No one was home. When dinner was over, Larry and I went back to the house and I called Lance's number again. I totally expected to hear voice mail, so when Lance answered the phone, I didn't even notice until the fourth or fifth "Hello?"

He said that he'd just gotten back and when I asked if he was going to come down, he actually said yes. It was so koool to have someone actually put himself out for me. (Not that he was coming just for me, but you know what I mean.)

Larry and I went to bed while we waited and woke when Lance walked into the room a little later. He got into the bed and the three of us went to back to sleep shortly thereafter.

Sunday morning, we woke up early and had an awesome time. Each of us was so in tune with the other. Hands and lips extended and the three of our naked bodies meshed. The focus moved from me, to Lance, to Larry for nearly two hours. It was so KOOOL!!!

Once we'd gotten out of bed and showered, the three of us headed southward to Mexico. Larry wanted to get a few things for the house, I needed some new clothes for USC, and Lance hadn't been to Ti Juanna for a while. After we crossed the border, Lance said he was hungry so Larry suggested that Lance and I go to the Hard Rock Cafe while he ran to a few of the more time consuming places. I wasn't really hungry, but sitting in the Hard Rock sounded a lot better than running around the dirty streets of Mexico, so off with Lance I went.

Before we'd gotten 50 feet from Larry, we were propositioned by a guy on the street. "Nice ladies... Whorehouse on the corner." I had to ask Lance to make sure I'd heard the guy correctly... Needless to say, we didn't go.

After Lance had eaten lunch and I'd eaten desert, Larry arrived and the three of us headed to the Guess store. We bought clothes, clothes, and more clothes. I got jeans, shorts, and shirts. I even got a shirt to match one that Larry picked... and one to match what Lance chose. While we were standing at the cashier, I looked at Larry & Lance and got goosebumps. I was totally euphoric. The two of them together were better than I could imagine any one person ever being. The combination of looks and personalities, likes and dislikes, formed something so great... words just can't describe it.

After we left the Guess store, we headed to a chaotic bar somewhere above the streets of Ti Juanna. We each had a beer and I got into the swing of the disco music. I banged my bottle on the table as the music blared and as guys walked around with bottles of hard liquor pouring it down the throats of patrons. One of the liquor pourers came behind me, grabbed my ear, and blew his whistle to ask Larry and Lance if they wanted me to become the newest "victim." They, however, were nice and told him to move on.

When our beers were done, we grabbed a cab and headed back for the States. We were through customs in no time and back in La Jolla within an hour. We had dinner then Lance said his allergies were acting up and the medication was affecting his ability to drive. He wanted me to drive him back to his house and I was more than happy to do so.

During the drive back, Lance and I talked a lot about what had happened and where things could go. He said it was still too early to know anything for good, but he didn't see any reason why the three of us couldn't be in a relationship. Koool.

Once I let Lance out, Larry said he wanted me to drive and I sleepily finished the trip back to LA. When I was driving Lance's car, he talked to me and thus it was a lot easier to stay awake. But when I drove Larry's, he went to sleep and started snoring. I closed my eyes a couple times, but made it back fine to crash in the bed by myself downstairs. (Due to Warren, a friend of Larry's from college, arriving on Monday, I knew it would be the last night to sleep in a bed by myself for some time.)

July 7, 1996


Monday morning, I moved my things from the guest room to the weight room then drove to the airport to pick up Warren. When that was done, I came back to the house and hung out for the rest of the day, waiting for Larry and Lance to come home. They'd gone to an eye doctor and I called Larry's cell phone to see when they'd be home. I thought the three of us in the hot tub would be fun, but I didn't want to turn into a prune by being there an hour before they got home.

But when Larry and Lance did get home, Larry went off. He said that I was too intense and he couldn't handle the pressure of me calling to see when he'd get home. OK, maybe I did call three times in a four hour period, but Larry was just sitting in a waiting room and the conversations were each under two minutes. If the situation had been reversed, I would have found any interuption in the waiting room monotony to be nice.

So anyway, Larry complained about how I was too intense and I apologized. I told him that me calling wasn't that big a deal and that I could easily not call. For several minutes, I had to smooth Larry over. He accepted my apology and I thought that was that.

But not ten minutes later, Lance said he was getting in the hot tub and I thought I'd join him, since, after all, I'd already told Larry hours earlier that I thought the three of us in the hot tub would be fun. When I was walked out the deck door, Larry asked if I was getting in the hot tub and when I said yes, Larry burst and said that he was leaving, that he couldn't handle it. I put myself in his way and said that he couldn't do it, that he'd said how I was too intense, but he didn't say anything about Lance. Larry went off while Lance and I listened. I desperately wanted to be a part of this relationship with three people and here Larry was saying that he couldn't handle it... and even more, it seemed that Larry didn't even want me to do as much as hug Lance.

Before long, Larry and Lance went into the other room and talked. I gave them a few minutes alone then went in and said that I couldn't understand how someone could go from saying that he was the luckiest guy, having two guys who loved him, on Sunday to deciding that he couldn't take it on Monday. It was completely beyond my comprehension. Larry said that he didn't know, but that's the way he felt. After talking for a few minutes, Larry suggested Warren and I go get something to eat while Lance and he talked.

I went downstairs, got Warren, and the two of us went to Denny's. I was too upset to be hungry, but I managed to eat a little something. For the most part, though, we talked about what was happening between Larry, Lance, and I. I mean, I didn't tell Warren the specifics, but it seemed to be the pretty much standard story of "I want my friends to be my friends and I don't want my friends to be each other friends." It seemed ironic that Larry was the jealous one; I would have assumed it would have been Lance.

So, anyway, Warren and I ate then came back to the house. Larry was in a much better mood, and said that the two of us should go to the grocery to get some food for Lance, who was in bed.

So Larry and I went to the grocery and talked about what had happened. He acted as though he and Lance wanted the same thing... basically, the same relationship they had with me except the sexual aspect would be eliminated. I wasn't happy with that; I didn't think that's what Lance wanted and I didn't want to be a "limited" partner, but nonetheless, it was a lot better than a few hours before.

When we returned, I told Larry that I wanted to talk to Lance for five minutes. We talked and he said that he thought I was overreacting. I told him that I didn't think my sleeping on the floor in the weight room was an overreaction. I mean, how was I not supposed to feel like a disposable whatever.

I went downstairs, layed on the floor, pulled a sheet over me, and waited to either get a "Good night" from Larry or at least a continuation of the conversation. I decided that if I was left there, with no one even bothering to check on me, I was heading back to Boston the next day. Before long, though, Lance opened the door and told me to come upstairs. He said that he wanted and asked Larry if I could sleep in the bed with them. I really didn't want to sleep on the cold floor, but I didn't want to push Larry any farther. I came upstairs and told Larry as much. To which he said he wanted me to do whatever Lance wanted. He added that at 4:30AM, though, when Lance got up to go to work, I had to go downstairs so that they could have some time alone. I said fine and got in the bed with Lance... Larry got in shortly thereafter.

And completely opposite of what happened just hours before, the three of us ended up with our clothes off and began kissing, hugging, etc.. Larry even asked, "Isn't this just what we agreed not to do?"... then proceeded to keep on doing it.

By the time we fell asleep, we'd all "been taken care of." Needless to say, I had a hard time making sense of things, but I didn't complain.

When the alarm went off at 4:30AM, I got out of bed and went downstairs. At a little after 7AM, I came back and got in the bed with Larry. He said that he'd taken care of Lance, but hadn't taken care of himself... so the two of us got taken care of. And I could make even less sense of the previous day's conversations.


Tuesday, Larry said he was going to have a long day at the office. Not really wanting to sit there and be bored, I said I'd stay home and try to get a little work done. When Val heard me, she asked if I'd like to go get her old car, which I'm inheritting as my vehicle in LA. I said sure.

Background Info:

And so, with the attitude that something was better than nothing but a lot better than "something" existed, I went with Val. On the drive to her place, she told me several times of how she thought long and hard about whether to get a new car. If she was so reluctant to get a new car, I reasoned, I must have over-imagined it's decrepit state... but when we pulled next to it and got inside, I knew I hadn't.

A biege, dented, falling apart, old Subaru. A hole approximately a foot wide and half a foot tall with wires hanging out existed where the radio and other dashboard equipment should be. It was even worse than I imagined... and then I tried to drive it. Stop, start, jerk, stop, engine die, jerk, start, stop, engine die. It was terrible.

I had to laugh from keep from screaming. For about thirty minutes we drove around to teach me how to drive a stick shift, but finally we gave up. As Val drove a few feet in front of me, I drove the car to the front of Larry's house and parked it: It's been there ever since.

Tuesday night, Warren, Val, Larry, and I went to the Country Star on the Universal Citywalk. Originally, Larry planned to go to the Hard Rock, but when the wait was an hour and a half, we opted for the Country Star instead. And I was all the happier... of course, I would have been happy practically anywhere as I had two glasses (about 6 or 7 shots) of Vodka.

Anyway, we ate dinner while listening to country music then headed back to the house and went to sleep.

Wednesday morning, Larry and I got our hair cut before he frantically readied himself to leave for Hawaii. On our way back from the hairstylist, though, Larry said he didn't see any reason why Lance, he, and I couldn't be in a relationship, but that he just wasn't there yet... Koool

When Lance arrived at around 1PM and Larry finished packing, I got pretty depressed. I wanted to go along so bad, but I'd already made my kase and resolved myself that I wasn't. Larry drove to the airport, the two of them got out, then I drove back to the house.

I've had the rule of the house for five days now... and to tell the truth, having a large house with a jacuzzi and pool isn't much fun without someone to share it with. I haven't been entirely indoors, though. I had dinner Thursday night with Dan and saw Independence Day with him on Friday. I would have called Frank, but it feels like I'd be unloyal to Lance and Larry. And they've even been great, calling me like twice a day to tell me that they miss me and so forth. Heck, Lance even called me while Larry was checking in to the hotel and Larry called me when they got to the room.

And the little details give a great deal of insight into the relationship. Like when Larry calls, he doesn't always have to be the one who starts and stops the conversation. I mean, you know how if you have a friend and you introduce him to another friend and you call... you talk first, say "Steve wants to talk to you", Steve talks then gives the phone back to you, then you say good-bye. It's a little something, but it says the person is your friend. Well, when Larry calls, he talks then gives the phone to Lance and when Lance and I are done talking, we hang up. Oh, and, Lance said he'd be over tomorrow night. After all that time non-stop with Larry, he's still going to come over to see me (and Larry). That's so koool.)

July 14, 1996


Well, Monday morning I woke at 4AM, showered, walked the dogs, then headed to the airport. I had no idea if my route was correct or how long it would take, but I made it there and parked the car at 4:48AM. The flight was scheduled to arrive at 5:33AM: I was a tad early and the airport looked near deserted. I didn't want to go inside and be hassled by security, and so, I sat in the car until 5AM.

When I made it to the terminal, the signs read "United International": I'd parked close, but in the wrong area, and I couldn't move the car because I was flat broke. I only had $1 to cover the $3 charge.

I walked on down to the United terminal and went inside. I made it past security and to the gate. In ten minutes Larry and Lance would be coming through the gate and I had mixed feelings. On one hand, I would be glad to see them, but on the other, I still resented being left behind. And being the validation freak that I am, I wanted them to visibly appreciate that I'd come myself at 5AM to pick them up.

The plane parked and a few minutes later the passengers deplaned. Nope, nope, nope, nope, and then the stream of people stopped. A minute later, the stewardesses and pilots passed me. Where were Larry and Lance? Surely they didn't miss the plane and not call me.

And then a guy at the back of the walkway appeared and waved: It was Lance. He gave me a hug and as I looked over his shoulder, I saw Larry. He gave me a hug, too, and we headed towards baggage claim. On the way, the three of us spoke of how we'd missed the other and I told Larry of how I'd mis-parked the car. He gave me $20 and sent me to move the car while they waited for their suitcases.

I drove to the passenger pick-up area, Lance got in, Larry took over driving, and the three of us headed back to the house. But Lance still had to be at work at 7AM, so he took a short shower and got dressed before quickly heading out: Larry and I fell back to sleep for a few hours.

By noon, we were back awake and playing around. Larry went off to work, and at around 4:30PM, Lance came back. The two of us talked and flirted for a while then got down to our skivies and rolled around in bed. Before long, Larry was home and we had dinner.

When dinner was done, Lance suggested we get into the hot tub and with a slight hesitance from what had happened earlier regarding the hot tub, I agreed. I made extra sure that Larry knew that we wanted him along, but he made excuses as to how he had to take care of the dishes and walk the dogs.

Lance and I got into the hot tub sans clothes and flirted while we waited for Larry to arrive... but he never did. I got out a couple times to go see where he was, but he said that he wasn't interested in getting in. His mannerisms, though, revealed that he wasn't happy about the situation.

Before long, Lance and I were out of the hot tub for good and the three of us were in bed. Larry apparently "forgot" about being upset about the hot tub and the three of us, well, you know.

And every day since then, I've "been taken care of". Some days once, some days four times, but at least once a day, every day (except Thursday when I needed a break ) Larry, Lance, and I have been getting along great. The only downside is that I've been so busy, having so much fun, it's been hard to devote time to the diary, which I will try to do.

July 16, 1996


Saturday afternoon in La Jolla, Larry and I went to the beach with Warren and Katie (Larry's three-year-old daughter). Larry and I just relaxed on boogie boards about thirty feet from the shoreline as we talked about life and stared at the surfers. We discussed the dynamics of a relationship with three people, what we felt Lance's feelings were on the situation, and what we each wanted to happen in the near future. Larry's since described a relationship with three people as being like a first relationship: Instead of the standard protocols, it's all new... and not necessarily bad. I have to agree.

Saturday night, Katie went with her mom and Warren, Larry, and I went out to dinner at T.G.I.Friday's then on to see Striptease. Pretty odd two gay guys going to see a movie about female stripers, but it was worth the seven bucks nonetheless, and Warren definitely liked the view.

Sunday afternoon, Katie returned and the four of us hung out until around 8PM when we headed back north towards L.A. But before we got home, we stopped at Lance's apartment and had a pasta dinner catered in. When it was done, Katie, Warren, and Lance sat on the couch watching Clueless while I sat in the floor next to Lance and with my hand on Larry's shoulder who was sitting in the chair nearby. It was koool sitting there, touching both Lance and Larry at the same time, and just relaxing... but before long, we had to continue on back to L.A. By 1AM, we were here and I went straight to bed.

Yesterday morning, Larry and I went to the coffee factory then the music office. I got a few things taken care of regarding finances for Justin's Koool Page, so my day was more productive than normal, but overall it was a lot of waiting. Lance called around 4:30PM to say that he was here and to ask if I wanted him to come pick me up. That sounded a lot better than waiting, so I said yes and gave him detailed directions.

He arrived a few minutes later and hung out with us and the rest of the office. By the time he and I were getting ready to go, Larry said he was ready as well, and the three of us headed out to dinner at the Hollywood Canteen. Before dinner was served, though, we called Don and he met us there. He harassed me as normal for my slight Kentucky accent and when the meal was done, we went back to the parking lot and hugged good-bye.

When we got home, I worked on Lance's resume while Larry put Katie to bed. Unfortunately, the resume took a lot longer than expected (because Larry didn't agree with several of my judgement calls) and so the three of us went to bed at 2AM without any making out whatsoever.

And probably providing more information than I should, I was a tad disappointed as earlier in the night, I'd bought a can of Reddi Wip Extra Creamy Deluxe Instant Real Whipped Heavy Cream.

Well, ok, a little explanation... a few days back Larry said that he really liked it when he thought I was getting into the situation and letting the true me come out. It took a few times before I was in that space, but I figured if I was going to be there and be that close to someone, I might as well not hold back. And so, as each of were exploring our "fantasies", I suggested we get a can of whip cream. Why whip cream I don't know, but the idea of eating it off of someone seemed playfully erotic to me. Larry, however, said that I'd make a mess and no amount of pleading would convince him otherwise.

I was pissed. I'd done nearly everything he wanted (not that he wanted a lot), but I definitely paid attention to his needs and even kept quiet when things were a tad physically uncomfortable (not that he's into s&m or bondage or anything like that... but sometimes things get extra sensitive after they've "been taken care of" and they're not really too keen to being touched... know what I mean? (if not, too bad, I can't reveal any more )) So, anyway, I was pissed because I'd been responsive to his needs and had opened myself in a vulernable way as he'd said he liked, and he shot me down because he didn't want to get the bed sticky. I thought that was being totally selfish and told him as much. However, his opinion didn't change and that night, whichever one it was, I paid a lot more attention to Lance than Larry.

As time went on, Larry and I discussed the issue of the whip cream some more and he finally gave in because he says, "he realized that it was important to me." And so, last night, I bought the can of whip cream only to not use it.

This morning, we woke and sent Lance on his way to work. By mid afternoon, Larry and I'd had our fun and by 4:30PM Lance was back. At around 5:30PM, Larry went off to the office while Lance and I stayed here. We rolled around in the bed for a while with our clothes on then fell asleep side-by-side for about thirty minutes. Larry returned at 8PM-ish and Warren, Katie, Lance, he and I went to dinner at Fuddrucker's.

And now Larry and Lance are in the hot tub while I'm sitting in the kitchen typing this... if it seems like these last paragraphs are rushed, I'm sure you can figure out why...

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© 1996 Justin Clouse

Justin's Koool Page