Justin's Life... March 27-31, 1996

Justin's Life... March 27-31, 1996

March 27, 1996


Sunday afternoon, Larry and I took the BMW convertible to Venice Beach. After we parked and ate at a little restuarant, we headed down to the boardwalk and saw all kinds of people; muscle guys, peddlers, political advocates, singers, and tons of people just walking... all fully clothed. We were at a beach: I wanted to see some skin. I asked Larry if we could go down to the beach itself, but he said it was too cold for people to be in the water. We were supposed to be at Dan's house for a dinner party at 6PM. It was already 5:30PM, so I didn't put up a fight.

On the way home, we picked up my cap from DC3 then quickly stopped at the house to change clothes. From there, Larry drove while I navigated. Soon, we were at Dan's house and he opened the door.

As we walked inside, I saw a room full of people, most of whom were watching TV. The party's theme was a showing of The Celluloid Closet, a film about treatment of gay movies in Hollywood, and we were 45 minutes late. I thought perhaps the movie had begun, but as Dan interupted everyone to introduce us, it hadn't.

Once he'd introduced us to everyone in the TV room, we went on to the dining room and picked up a plate as Dan continued. Some of the time I was "Justin" and some of the time I was "Justin, the guy that keeps the diary online," a title I've come to accept and even get a kick out of. After Dan had finished the introductions, a guy with short black hair, an open black shirt and tight jeans, who I later found out was named Gary, asked me more about my web site. Once I'd said, "Justin's Koool Page" he made the connection and said "You're the Justin" and was extremely excited. For the rest of the night, he kept flirting/harassing me about having naked pictures of myself online (which I don't, so don't bother looking)

After I talked with Gary for a bit and got some food, I started to mingle. First, I talked with a guy in relaxed business attire named Ken. He was blond, boyishly cute, really nice --By the end of our conversation, he offered to write me a USC recommendation.-- , and he reminded me of a friend back home. He had some idea of who I was and how I knew Dan, but I told him the specifics. We talked for a while and it would have been koool to talk to him longer. Unfortunately, I bit into something that was way too exotic and had to mumble "Excuse me while I get something to drink."

I walked into the kitchen, my mouth still full, and asked for something to drink. I thought perhaps I could simply swallow the food, but when I tried to chew it into smaller pieces, I started to gag. Trying my best not to think, I didn't hear Dan when he listed the beverage choices. Luckily, Larry said I'd have a Mountain Dew and I quickly drank it. Needless to say, I didn't eat any more.

Once I'd drunk enough to get rid of the taste, I talked with a black haired guy in a J Crew looking attire named Rob. He was stocky, and more distinguishedly handsome than cute. He told me about his work and we generally just talked about nothing. I would have liked to talk to him longer as well, but the movie began.

The twenty or so people crowded around on the couch and chairs and we began watching the entertaining, enlightening, and exhausting film. During it, I occasionally glanced over to see the other guests. Ken was next to Gary who was slightly behind me. I could only see them if I turned my head, so my glancing was limited. Rob, on the other hand, was sitting behind me, so I couldn't see him unless I turned completely around. (I don't know what I expected to see when I turned around, perhaps I was hoping someone was looking at me.)

The movie ended and I saw Ken and Rob put on their coats and wanted to say something like, "I was hoping to talk to you some more," but I didn't. Soon, everyone had left... everyone except Dan, Gary, Paul (a late 30's guy I'd talked to briefly), Larry, and I.

For the next hour or so, the five of us talked. We discussed everything from gay movies to the comet that was visible overhead. At around 10:30PM, Gary and Paul got ready to leave, but before Gary left, he said he'd be happy to give me a tour of West Hollywood. He gave me his card and left.

The three of us talked until about 11PM when Larry and I headed home. Once again, it was koool just to hang around with gay guys.

March 30, 1996


Earlier this week, I placed a personal ad on AOL along with the picture of me shaving. It read basically like the personal ad on koool.com, but I took out the red head stuff and narrowed the search for guys in LA.

Anyway, I got a few responses and one in particular. It sounded very sincere, looking for a monogamous relationship and so forth, and it had his picture attached. He was near drool-worthy cute. I responded Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, he e-mailed back with his phone number.

On Wednesday afternoon, I called and said that I was anxious to meet him. He didn't speak enough to give me a clue to his personality, --Heck, I even thought he was asleep when I called.-- but when I asked where we should meet, he suggested Mani's Bakery in West Hollywood. I'd remembered seeing that when I was there the other day, so I agreed to be there in just over 30 minutes at 3PM. I quickly told Larry of the conversation and headed out.

Once I parked the car, I walked towards Mani's to arrive at 2:47PM. The only person around was a guy sitting out front reading a book. He could have been the guy I was looking for, but he looked too content reading to himself.

I walked inside to get an iced tea then came back out to sit two tables away, looking towards the street. Time passed and I kept looking at the reader. He looked me in the eye a couple of times, but I couldn't decide if he was the one. I thought perhaps my much shorter haircut was throwing him, so I decided I'd wait until 3:05PM before I went over.

At 3PM exactly, I looked up to see a guy smiling at me. He looked nothing like the guy in the picture. This guy was a lot older looking, his complexion was a lot rougher, his nose was different and his teeth were artificially white. I'd already wished I'd gone over to the guy reading the book.

Nevertheless, he ordered something to drink and we walked back outside. He picked a table, we sat down, and started talking... err, rather I started talking. With every question I asked, I got a one or two word answer. I asked broad questions in hopes that he'd expand on the topic. He didn't. I had to keep asking more and more specific questions until finally the subject was exhausted. I mean, the conversation went something like:

               So you live in West Hollywood?
               - Yes
                 ( long pause )
               How long have you lived here?
               - A few months
                 ( long pause )
               So why did you pick West Hollywood?
               - To get laid.

Every subject was just the same. After one of the many times we sat in silence, I said something about him not talking much. He responsed he was laid back... I thought he was dead.

Finally at around 3:40PM, I said that I was going to head out. It was more than obvious that the two of us weren't compatible. But when I said I was leaving, he asked me why. I told him that he wasn't saying much and I thought I'd give him an out. Truth is, I wanted to say, "You're boring me to death and I'd rather stare at a wall."

Five minutes later, we'd exhausted the subject of me staying and it went back to silence. He looked around on the street, mumbled about the passersby, and it seemed pointless to stay there any longer. I once again said "I think I'll be heading out." and before I could say bye, he shot out of his chair. I thought he was going to throw his trash away then shake my hand or something, but when I turned around half a second later, he was briskly walking away. Needless to say, I was pretty much dumbfounded by the whole meeting.

March 30, 1996


I didn't have time to fret much over the AOL guy for Larry and I were supposed to meet Frank for a 7PM dinner at La Bohemé, near the edge of West Hollywood. I was way more psyched about dinner with him than with meeting a random guy on AOL. I mean, I knew Frank was both koool and cute from our previous meeting. The probablity that I would have a nice time was much higher.

So, anyway, Larry and I arrived at the restaurant and walked inside to find Frank sitting at a table in the bar area. He was wearing dress slacks, a white button-down shirt, and a tank top t-shirt underneath. He looked even cuter than that night outside of Larry's house.

Soon, we were seated. Larry and I sat across from each other and Frank sat on the side. During the meal, I flirted like never before. I was so blatant. I didn't want there to be even a .01% chance that Frank would miss how attractive I thought he was. -- For example, I even said something like, "I just realized that I was leaning so far over to be near Frank that I almost fell out of my chair." -- I was shameless, but Frank didn't seem to mind. I told him how his arms were cute with their fur and Larry told him how I was behaving like a different person. Larry even commented on how he was surprised I wasn't vibrating.

That night out front of Larry's house, I only got to speak with Frank for a few minutes. During the hour or so long meal, I got to know him better. He still seemed like a koool guy. His personality was friendly, inviting, and a tad on the wild side, exactly what I need... and I still had the urge to rip his clothes off.

Once the meal was over, Frank suggested we go see a drag show nearby, but when we got outside, he decided it was too late. (He needed to sleep for work in the morning.) Frank gave Larry a hug, Larry said Frank should hug me, and he did. --But I didn't get all excited about it because it was forced. I mean, Frank may have wanted to hug me of his own will, but Larry's saying "Give Justin a hug" pretty much limited his options.--

Anyway, just before we got in the cars, Larry suggested Frank come along with the two of us to the ranch for the weekend. I agreed and Frank said he might, that he'd talk to us beforehand.

As Larry and I drove home, we talked about how I was really attracted to Frank, and Larry once again told me how Frank was the guy he'd mentioned in his first e-mails. --Apparently when Larry first e-mailed me in August last year, he mentioned a 25 year old Californian that he thought was perfect for me. I don't remember, but Larry says that guy was Frank. -- We arrived home shortly thereafter and went to bed.


Earlier this week, Don and Vish invited us to a fashion show on Friday. -- Vish is a designer. -- Since I absolutely hate clothing stores, I figured I'd be bored out of my mind watching model after model walk down a runway, but I kept quiet and thought I could at least spend a couple of hours there for Vish's sake.

So anyway, after a short day at the office, Larry and I headed towards downtown and arrived with the show in progress. Model after model did walk down the runway, but I wasn't bored at all. I paid attention to the outfits, which ranged from classy to bizarre, to the models, who ranged from butt ugly to not bad, and to the audience, which included a cute, bad-boy looking guy about five feet away.

Before long, the show was over and the four of us went to eat at The Water Grille. I had a great time. -- Wednesday afternoon, Don and Larry really cut into me hard, telling me that I was lazy, a hick, and so forth. I'd started to perceive that Don really felt like I was beneath him. I mean, I knew Don has a killer wit and both Larry and he have that type of personality, where they play harass the people they care about, but still... Don's repeatedly shooting me down had started to take its toll. Thursday was better, but with dinner on Friday, it was like he actually treated me as a close friend.

Before long, we were eating dessert and talking about USC. Don gave me his advice about which major to persue and I asked him if he'd be willing to write me a recommendation (since he, too, is an alum). He whole-heartedly said that he would, and we started walking to the parking garage.

As Larry & I were driving off, Larry said that I looked upset. I told him that it was just the contrary, that I was thinking about dinner and was really happy. I said, "My mush level is high right now."... Even without the sun and the money and all the obvious things California has to offer, I'd still want to move here.

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© 1996 Justin Clouse

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