Justin's Life... October 2-7, 1996

Justin's Life... October 2-7, 1996

October 2, 1996


Well, it would appear that this diary is just going to get farther and farther behind until I just don't remember anything, so I'm going to try to combat that by telling myself that I'll spend an hour a day writing about what happened... at least I hope that's what I'll do, beginning now.

When I last wrote, I was nervous about going to meet Rob for our date. He'd called earlier in the day, but we hadn't arranged the specifics of our meeting and he only thought he'd be getting off work. I figured with my luck he'd be stuck there all night and we wouldn't get to meet.

Nonetheless, he called and I suggested we goto Citywalk or just out somewhere. He said that I should go to his apartment and take it from there. I didn't think much about it, I mean, I wasn't really worried that he was going to attack me or anything. --I thought, "Are you comfortable going to his apartment?" to myself and answered Yes--

So anyway, he gave me his address and I found his street shortly thereafter. I, however, couldn't find the street number and called him on the cell phone to see exactly which apartment was his. He guided me there and was standing on the sidewalk twenty feet away from me with his cordless phone when I turned the car off.

He said hi and we walked up the stairs to his apartment then sat on the couch. He asked me if I'd like something to drink, I declined, and we began talking. We talked about life, about being gay, about work, the usual stuff, then I noticed his video collection. It was amazing! His and my collections could have been interchangable. Nobody likes the videos I like, at least not a large chunk of the videos. He had everything from Clueless to Tootsie to Anne of Green Gables. I couldn't believe it. This was such a koool match.

So we continued talking and somehow or the other, we ended up talking about dating and Rob said that he wasn't dating anyone right now, that he didn't want to date anyone right now, and that he'd decided for himself that he liked being alone. I had a sorta hard time dealing with that since I seem to be pre-occupied on not being alone, but that was what he said and, at least to him, it made sense. He said that he didn't want to tell me that in the restaurant because he thought I would think that he was just blowing me off... and I probably would have. But, at the same time, it would have saved me some anxiety. We talked for a few more minutes about things then I said I'd leave. He gave me a hug, said that he'd see me around, and walked me to my car. I came home before midnight and that was that.

In hindsight, I do realize that I totally went after him without any indication that he was looking for someone. Larry and I had simply asked the waitress if he was gay. He wasn't in a bar looking for someone. I'd barked up the wrong tree; it was simple as that and I honestly believe that it was nothing personal. Of course, that didn't make it much less disappointing.

Little snippets of info:

October 3, 1996


After finishing the diary entry last night, I looked to see what homework was due for my cinema class today. I thought it was to prepare a thesis statement for the paper due next week, but instead it was to create an outline of two pages in length detailing how the paper would be presented. It was already past midnight and the penalty for not doing the preparatory work was 1/3rd of a letter grade off the paper's final grade. I did the math to find that 1/3rd of a letter grade translated into less than 1% of my final grade for the course. I was not staying up all night for .8% and so, I went to bed.

After what happened in my compostion class, and with my near certainty that my COMP paper will receive a lower grade because I'm perceived as unacademic, I decided that it would be better to not go to my cinema class today. If I went and didn't have the homework, I would look like a slacker, but if I didn't go at all, I would still be assessed the penalty, but at least the perception wouldn't play a part in my paper's final grade.

So, anyway, I didn't go to my cinema class, but did attend my communications lecture. I had a really great time there as Larissa and I played childish games in between taking notes. It was really refreshing to act like a kid again and I actually thanked her after class for the fun.

Tonight I decided that I'd finally go to the USC gay and lesbian meeting deal. Per the e-mail from the guy in charge of USC's gay web site, Eric, I went to the religious center and looked for room #200. It was no where to be found. I saw some guys in 205A, but I didn't want to go into a room full of people and ask, "Is this where the gay meeting deal is held?" Know what I mean? So I walked around a few minutes then called Larry to have him see if I'd misread the directions. Nope, room 200.

I walked around a little longer then decided to go in 205A and ask if Eric was there.

"Eric who?" was the response for the guy at the door, but his voice told me that I was at the right place nonetheless. Just to make sure, I asked then went inside.

For the next hour and a half, I sat there not really involving myself, feeling, for the most part, like I wanted to leave. Most of the guys were a little on the edge and cross-bearers. In that I mean, they talked about how their lives were so difficult and about how other people were doing things (i.e. celebrities not being out) to enhance the difficulty. All I could do was think, "You're in LA. How's being gay making your life that difficult?"

The most positive thing of the night was that one guy, who was sitting just to the right of me, was moderately cute... until he looked towards me and I saw he had a nose ring.

October 4, 1996


I'm more than a little pissed. In fact, I could best be described as outraged. I just got home a few minutes ago and found a FedEx package from Amazon.com books, the place were I ordered my copy of 24 Hours in Cyberspace. I frantically tore open the envelope, removed all the packaging and flipped to the back for the index. What? My name wasn't there? But since the index was relatively small --1 page-- I flipped into the Sex, Lies, and Websites section and began looking. There was Carolyn Burke in a full page spread. OK, only she got in the book. It was a process of picking from the four diarists' photos and she won. I still couldn't believe that it took that long to get my miniscule photo onto the site, but resolved myself to an "oh well" attitude. I figured for sure my photo would be larger in the CD-ROM version of the site, but no, I was wrong there, too. And then I went looking at the book again and guess what, the other two diarists are on the page in front of the one with Carolyn. I was the only one who didn't make it in the book and that fucking inch wide picture of me on the site was it. Over 5 rolls of film for a picture where I'm a centimeter tall! What a crock of shit. I can't even believe it. The fucking morons left my picture out of the book and they screwed up the URL so that even if anyone finds my photo on the site they won't be able to reach me. Unbelievable.

October 6, 1996


This weekend, Larry, Katie, and I were planning on going to the ranch, but those two papers, one for composition and one for cinema, were still due this coming week and I was only about a third of the way through with each. So I thought about it for a while and decided that we'd leave early for the ranch and I'd work the entire day... that didn't happen.

Instead, yesterday began with Larry, Katie, and I lounging around the house until around 11AM. Then, Larry did a little phone research to find the name of a store in Burbank which sells scripts. -- I figured having the scripts to the movies in my papers's topics would be beneficial.-- So, anyway, Larry tracked down the scripts to To Wong Foo, Thelma & Louise, and Bonnie & Clyde, then ran to the video store to pick up a copy of each.

When he got back, we loaded the car. But before we left for the drive here, we stopped at Fry's Electronics. You see, last week, Larry bought me an overdrive chip for my 486 DX-66 computer which supposedly took it up to a 586-133mhz. I, however, couldn't tell much of a difference, and for $200 it seemed like a waste. I'd noticed before, in passing, a kit which would upgrade my computer (with a new motherboard, cpu, case, etc.) for $399. I told him that I thought we should return the overdrive chip and I'd pay for the difference. He said that was fine with him and that I should go to Fry's to see if they had the necessary components. So, on Friday, I went to take notes on what I needed then yesterday morning we went to make the purchase. After finding a sales employee, we found a 75-200mhz motherboard with 512k cache and a mid-tower case. I thought the only purchase left was the CPU, a Cyrix 6x86 P166+ (Pentium 166 clone), but the employee said I'd need a new graphics card as the one from the 486 would be painfully slow. I'd noticed earlier in NetGuide, in their "Ultraguide to Web Multi-Media," issue that the ATI 3D Xpression card was rated the best and one of the least expensive. I showed the box to the clerk and he said he'd personally go with the Diamond Stealth64, that the 3D Xpression was better for games, but the Stealth 64 was better overall. All I could remember was that the ATI was rated best by NetGuide, for what, I'd forgotten, so I went with the Stealth64. And for the rest of the time in the store, all I could do was debate whether following his suggestion was the right choice. I'd picked the motherboard and case based on his suggestions, but I'd actually read where the ATI card was better.

But, wait, while I was debating the video card choice to myself, Larry kept dealing with the employee to find that both the Cyrix 6x86 P166+ and Cyrix 6x86 P150+ chips were out of stock. All that looking around and planning and the main component wasn't available. Larry asked the clerk to call another store to see if they had one, but the result was the same. Then, out of the blue, Larry asked, "If we buy the Intel chip, can we return it within 30 days and get the Cyrix then?" The clerk said yes, checked to see that it was available, then added it to our invoice.

While Larry was standing in line, I went back to the car with Katie. In the NetGuide, which I'd brought along, it said plain as day that the ATI video card was better. When Larry got to the car, I began to tell him as much and after we'd gotten on the freeway, he asked, "So do you want to go back and exchange it now?" I sheepishly said that we "could". He responded that he'd rather get everything taken care of then than have to go back later, and so, he turned around the car, took the card back in and got the other one.

Why'd I explain all this? Well, for one, it explains where a good chunk of yesterday went and, for two, it explains what a perfectionist I am regarding things that I create. I mean, I'm not that particular about what food I eat, or which brands of clothes I wear, or how my hair is cut, but with my computer or things I create, I'm painfully -- sometimes ridiculously -- meticulous.

So, anyway, after the hours spent a Fry's, we continued on to the ranch. For the rest of the night, I surfed online, thought about how wonderful my computer was going to be , and just generally avoided doing my homework.

However, that time has come to an end... as soon as I finish this entry, I'll be reading, writing, watching, reading, watching, and writing until my hand falls off.

October 7, 1996

2:43AM Technically October 8, 1996

Well, I did spend a big chunk of yesterday working on my papers, but only in the preparation stage. I read all of the Thelma & Louise script while laying in the hammock on the ranch deck, then ate dinner, then went back to read a good section of Bonnie & Clyde. For the most part, the scripts were very similar to the movies, but perhaps they'll give me a little insight into the comparisons.

When I got home last night, I ventured to try to upgrade my computer, but within the first ten minutes, I'd already hit a snag. The motherboard wasn't compatible with the case. Try as I may, I couldn't get the two to mesh, so I packed them both back in anticipation of going to Fry's today.

This morning, I woke around 8:45AM and got ready to leave. Before I did, though, Larry said I should call a place in the valley to see what they would charge to handle the upgrade installation. We did, it was reasonable, but I decided I'd try it myself first.

And so, at Larry's better-safe-than-sorry insistance, I placed all the computer items purchased on Saturday back in my car and headed for Burbank. When I arrived at the store, I went in first to see what would be the best solution, a case with a PS/2 port in the right place or a motherboard with a PS/2 port elsewhere. None of the cases had any PS/2 ports and I couldn't make heads or tails of the motherboards, so finally I gave up. Before leaving the store, though, I went to the CPU department to ask if they had any Cyrix P166+ chips in stock. The clerk said they did, which I was surprised to hear since they didn't have any on Saturday and it was too early for a Monday delivery. But, nonetheless, one was in stock, so the clerk wrote me a purchase order and I took it with me back to the car.

When I got back in the store, items in tow, I took them to the return desk and filled out the return forms. It seemed intentionally difficult to return the items as each needed a separate form which had to filled out by hand. To purchase an item, on the other hand, was simple as saying your first and last name then confirming the computer's match.

So anyway, several minutes later, I returned the items and was told to go to register 1-10 to get the new CPU in exchange. I did as much, but when it came time for everything to be cleared, the clerk asked for the credit card and my driver's license. It was Larry's credit card and so the clerk said she needed a supervisor. Several minutes later in this already way too long process, a supervisor arrived and I argued my way through. It seemed moronic to me that they were giving me crap about not being the person named on the card when they were crediting the card with $375. (The returns totalled more than the CPU.) I felt like saying that it was a violation of Mastercard/Visa policy to ask for additional identication -- a little thing I learned from recently becoming a credit card merchant myself --, but I kept quiet on that point. So, anyway, several minutes later, they finally said ok and I left with the chip.

When I got back home, in casual conversation, Larry asked me if I'd snuck a Seagram's Peach Daquiri cooler before going to bed. I told him that I hadn't and he insisted that one was open on the counter this morning. (Not that I couldn't have had one. In fact, it was I who purchased them yesterday.) So, anyway, Larry said something how he didn't think the maid would have had one, and that was that.

Later in the day, when I walked into the kitchen, Larry was laughing. He said that he'd asked the maid, who speaks very little English, and that Katie had told her that she could have it in her lunchbox. Yep, that's right. Three year old Katie went to pre-school with booze in her lunchbox. I laughed and Larry laughed, too, but he was a tad worried that we should call the school. I told him that there was no need to bring unnecessary attention to it and we moved on.

For most of the day, and until just a few minutes ago, I've been watching, re-watching, isolating, and writing on To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar. The paper, which is due tomorrow, is now done and I'm off to bed as soon as this is done. I've got to wake up early tomorrow to take my computer in for the upgrade before class starts. 'Night

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© 1996 Justin Clouse

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