The next week was spent loving, fighting, arguing, crying, yelling, hugging, and nothinging. Of note, we discovered that we love each other a lot more than either of us thought. I mean, I never thought we would be anywhere as near as close as we are now, but somehow we are. Somehow we're near Siamese twins and while we do feel like killing the other at times, we always end up back loving each other more than before. Who knows what the future holds? I won't pretend to know. We've been through a lot, and hopefully a lot more, but, to be honest, I still need that special "droolworthy" guy, that red headed knight, and even though I know it is difficult for him, Larry understands. I don't want to lose what Larry and I have, and I don't really think I will, but in the coming months/years, I feel the dynamics of our relationship will change. And speaking of dynamics, it wasn't the dynamics of three that were the non-working factor in Rich, Lance, or Sean, so who knows? Perhaps one day I'll have two husbands; perhaps not. I'm not set on the idea and I'm not set against it. This is life. People can't be pigeon holed and only time will tell. The bottom line is that I love Larry and want him to stay in my life and that he loves me and wants me to stay in his life. Hopefully, one way or another, that will happen. --Think it sounds complex here? It's nothing compared to living it.
September 15, 1996
Catch up time again:
- Gary, Larry, and I had dinner in Laguna Beach on the Wednesday after the pool party. It was on okay night, a couple awkward moments, but nothing especially wonderful or especially bad. We walked along the beach afterwards then Larry and I drove back to LA.
- On the next Monday, Larry, Selma, Warren, Katie and I went out to eat at Dive! in Beverly Hills. After dinner, as we were walking around the Century City Mall, I whined that I didn't want to go to class the next morning. Larry reacted, "You aren't really thinking of quitting school are you?" or something to that effect. I was just whining like any kid does, so his response took me off guard. I followed, saying that school seemed pointless and why in the world did I need to learn about Japanese history. By the next day, I'd thought about what Larry (admittedly after too much wine) had said. I did have it in my power to quit school if I wanted. So anyway, I went to class and had an extremely horrid day. The whole incident can best be summed by what I wrote in my notebook as a letter to Larry:
Guess what! I'm in history waiting for class to begin. I tried to call you, but you didn't answer. :-( Ya know, when I was bitching about going to school yesterday, it was just normal complaining. I wasn't actually serious. :-) Of course, your reaction made me realize that I do have the power to quit school if I want. I honestly don't know what I want. I don't really want to work for anyone, ever. And if I work for myself, I don't think people will treat me differently if I have a degree or not. After all, how would they know. And speaking of not going to class, apparently several people here had the same idea (well, at least temporarily) because this classroom is mighty sparcely populated.
I've changed my mind. This is pointless. How in the world will knowing 10-15 pages worth of crap on Japanese history EVER help me do anything? Who cares? Does it really matter? Could any of those studio presidents tell me jack about Japanese history? Could you? Could Kathleen? I don't want to work at McDonald's, but we both know that won't happen. Why waste my life sitting in these "who cares" classes? I just can't justify it, even thought I know you want me to. You said I tell/mention stuff to get the idea in your head, so when I do it, it's not such a huge impact. Well, consider it said.
Did you know Amatersasj covered the sun because she was mad at her sun brother Susano-O, the god of rain? No? And you still managed to get through life? Did you know communication theories can be based/places into three different categories? Or that _____? And you still made it?
I'm not joking. I really can't take it. Even if I were working at some cheesy job, I'd be getting paid. Here I'm trying to assimilate volumes of info for what? I'm about to explode. I literally feel sick. I could handle this for a few weeks, maybe even a few months, but not years. I just can't.
- Since that day in regards to school...
- I had an intensely uncomfortable lecture from Don and Larry on the merits of school, to which, I ended up leaving the restuarant and walking back to my car a few blocks away.
- I've dropped "Intro to Japanese History" to go to a load of 12 credits, or 3 classes.
- I've decided that I can handle school.
- Larry called, pretending to be my dad, and got me out of the housing contract. It was just too much to find that my bed had been slept in and that even some personal items, like an alarm clock of Brian's, had been moved into my private bedroom (which by the way, made my apartment in Boston look like a mansion. -- It's hard to believe that one of the richest schools in the country has the shittiest housing.)
- While I never actually slept in the apartment/dorm, I've now more permanently moved into Larry's house. He and I went IKEA last weekend and bought a glass top desk for my computer.
- Larry planned a surprise birthday party for Don at a casual restaurant towards Santa Monica. During the course of the night, I noticed one waiter in particular. He was pretty darn cute and so, before dinner was through, Larry asked our waitress, Nancy, if he was a team player and single. She said that he was a team player for sure and she thought he was single. Koool!! Larry wanted to get his phone number that night, but I said I wanted to take my wooing a bit slower.
- On Saturday the 7th, I sent a bouquet of balloons to the restuarant with a card reading: "Noticed you last night and once before. A Secret Admirer" There was no other indication of who sent it.
- A week passed without incident, until I sent another, yet slightly different, balloon bouquet on Friday. The card read: "See you tomorrow." and nothing more.
Click here to move on to the next set of entries.
© 1996 Justin Clouse