Justin's Life... March 13th - 28th, 1998

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March 13, 1998 - Friday - Spring Break in Florida


Shortly after uploading that last entry, my Velo died. Normally, when Windows crashes (as we all know it tends to do from time to time ), you simply restart your computer. With a desktop system, that's just turning it off and then back on again, but with a Windows CE based PC, it's a little more complicated... mainly because there is no hard drive. Windows CE PC's store all data in RAM. Window CE, itself, and appications such as Pocket Word and Pocket Internet Explorer, are written on the computer's chip. So when the main and backup batteries are removed, the system reverts back to its original chip-based factory configuration; all data like .html files and FTP programs installed later are wiped out.

Having realized this "problem," Microsoft provides and recommends one-step backup of the entire system onto your main computer. I, of course, did not do that... and didn't have my desktop here to restore it anyway. Instead, I pressed the reset button, which often unfreezes the system in the same way that the reset button reboots the computer on a desktop system -- It shuts down all open programs but retains all data previously saved. But this time it would not work.

I took out the main battery hoping that somehow it would magically "reboot" but it did not. Instead, it simply displayed the "Velo" power on splash screen and froze. I removed the main battery again and again, each time getting just to the Velo splash screen. Finally, at around 1AM, I was ready to sacrifice all the data just to get the computer to work again... but, of course, the button cell battery backup is protected by unbelievavly small five pronged Torx screws and I had no baby screwdriver. At a little after 1:30AM, I gave up and went to bed.

The next day, I didn't think too much about the computer. I mean, I told Larry that I wanted to go buy some new batteries, hoping that a blast of power would be the fix and secretly thinking that I'd shell out the $$ for a baby screwdriver when we were at K-mart... but that was about it and when we didn't go, I didn't fret too much.

Then today, for some unknown reason, the Velo appeared to be completely fried (with one LCD line darkened) for about five minutes... then it started again... and made it to the introduction screen. All the data was lost, but at least it was working again.


As for Orlando activities: Tuesday, like I said before, was spent at Universal, then Tuesday night was spent at a dinner show called Pirates. Wednesday was spent at Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom, then Wednesday night was supposed to be spent at a dinner show... but by Wednesday afternoon, I could tell that I was starting to get cranky. I was barking at Larry for being on his cell phone and was basically just wanting to go to the hotel and relax... and so, I suggested we skip the semi-planned dinner show. --Of course, I didn't know the Velo would keep me awake all night.

By Thursday morning, I was wiped out. I'd had enough park fun to last me 'til next year... but Warren and Selma drove into Orlando from their Florida house and we were going to MGM Studios. The day turned out much better than I'd expected as Mom was chosen to participate in the you-be-the-star television mock up and the night's dinner show, Sleuths, was both participative and entertaining.

And now today, Mom and Katie went off with Warren and Selma while Larry and I are headed towards Miami to spend the rest of the weekend with some high school friends of his. I haven't a clue as to what we'll do while there, but I guess I'll find out.


March 15, 1998 - Sunday - On The Plane Back To LA


Like I said up there, I hadn't a clue as to what the Miami itenerary contained... but by the time Larry and I arrived in Miami, he'd told me the plan was to stay with Chris (the high school friend) and his husband of 18 years, Keith, at their house. That seemed fine to me... until we got to their house: It, and the other houses on the street, all had bars on their windows.

OK, yes, I do live in a nice area of LA and have been "acclimated" to a finances-aren't-too-major-a-worry lifestyle due to Larry's financial status, but I'm not a snob. My parent's house in Kentucky gets a good ribbing from Larry, but the lady bug population that has decided to invade my room (and periodally die) doesn't bother me at all. The fact that the house was small wasn't the concern... it was the fact that being there gave me a sense of being somewhere just off USC's campus... in south central LA.

So, anyway, we got to the house and Keith arrived about ten minutes later. We all went inside and my uneasyness sort of multiplied. I'm a person who likes light. If it were up to me, every light would stay on all the time. Apparently Keith was more on the vampire side of the light equation. I could barely seem him across the room and the darkness just furthered my "druggies are going to bust in any minute and kill us" mindset.

Eventually, when Keith left the room, Larry asked, "We can stay here, can't we?" I ho-humed, not really answering with words, but thereby answering, nonetheless... but Larry thought we should stay, so we brought in our suitcases and talked with Keith while we waited for Chris to get home.


When Chris arrived home fifteen minutes or so later, the four of us got into the rental van and headed to South Beach. South Beach, as you may remember, is the setting for The Birdcage... and it was pretty similar to the locale portrayed in the movie. It could basically be described as an upscale New Orleans.

It had the same party-in-the-streets atmosphere, but the people weren't fall-on-their-face drunk. And even more amazing than the general jovial feel was the fact that gay and straight people intermingled as though it were perfectly normal. I mean, I know it IS perfectly normal, but walking down the street there was the first time I'd seen such intermingling. West Hollywood is almost exclusively gay... but South Beach had gay couples walking with straight couples, totally meshed. I mean, there were straight college fratboy types looking for girls right in the middle of gay guys looking for other guys. It was amazing.

Anyway, as we continued to walk down the sidewalk by the beach, we encountered bar after restaraunt after bar. Keith knew every bar and night club with such detail and expressed such enthusiasm about everything that I couldn't help but be reminded of Frank The Flake. Chris, too, was enthusiastic to the point that I was asking myself "what-are-they-on?", but his energy was focused on cars. The car obsession was still a little alien, but I could put Keith within my frame of reference. He was 26 year old Frank The Flake with a couple more decades on him.

And so, we walked the length of the sidewalk then headed inland a few blocks to a Mexican restaraunt. When dinner was done, we looked at the storefronts at a place I think was called Lincoln Mall then walked back to the car. By that time, it was after midnight.

The day had started early and I was tired... but Keith really new the nightclubs. Before we'd left the house, he'd said that we should all go out dancing and I'd responded that looking at the go-go boys was what I ususally did when I went clubbing (as I couldn't take any of the guys home or have a relationship beyond the time spent on the dance floor). He'd, in turn, said there was a club called The Boardwalk that was filled with go-go boys. And so, it was late, Larry said he was going back to the house and going to bed, and I was tired... but I was still hoping to see a few cute semi-naked guys

When we got back to the house, it was after 1AM... but I knew from Keith's talking that 1AM was still early for Miami party going and he'd said that he, himself, was usually out to 6AM when clubbing. I suggested we still go out and leave the old folks at home, and so, he changed clothes then we got in the van.

By the time we got to The Boardwalk, which was about 20 or 30 minutes away, I'd gotten myself so psyched up about the go-go boys, I was even shaking a little. I mean, I wasn't thinking it was anything that hadn't happened before, but, as I told Keith, it'd been a long time since I last went somewhere with go-go boys.

When we did get to the outdoor mall storefront (next to a Payless Shoe Store) which constituted the club, we went inside and found a drag queen singing. Nestled along the walls of the very dimly lit club were guys in their underwear hugging on the patrons. The only go-go boys I'd ever seen were just gyrating up on pedestals. These guys were hugging on the customers and letting them do whatever they wanted. In that I mean I saw one guy kissing one of the underwear guys on the nipples and another underwear guy was rubbing his inflated G-string on the backside of a guy sitting at the bar. I asked Keith what the protocol was and he basically explained that the guys came around and if you paid them any attention they'd stay until you gave them a dollar.

After taking off my necklace, which became chokingly tight due to my hightened awareness, I found one underwear guy who looked ok... well, his body looked ok... and gave him a little stare. He came over and started rubbing my back and shoulders. When I turned around, he was standing there, his nicely defined, yet not muscular body less than a foot from my chair. I'd seen the other guys in the club just reach right in and give him a feel, so I followed suit. My thing, though, isn't tactical, it's looking. So a couple seconds later, I pulled the front of his boxer briefs down and saw his uncut, uninflated member right there. Talk about a new experience. He just stood there, rubbing my shoulder while I played with his balls and penis right in front of everyone.

When I'd had enough fun, less than a minute later I'd guess, Keith handed me a dollar and I gave it to the guy. He was gone shortly thereafter.

Another drag queen song later, a new guy came around and I looked at him. He followed the same basic protocol. He was a little shyer about actually pulling his underwear down, but he didn't seem to have any problem with me pulling it out and looking to see what was inside. A couple of feels and a butt squeeze later, he had his dollar and was gone. That was it for me. I'd seen enough brainless (Keith tried talking to them which dampened the whole "fantasy") guys for the night, so we got up and left.

When we got home, at a little after 3AM, Larry was asleep in bed. The light, however, woke him when I entered the room, so I told him all that had happened and he playfully harassed me back. As he already knew, it was fun, and all, but it wasn't anything I'd want to do on a regular basis.


March 19, 1998 - Thursday


After waking and lounging around the house for a couple of hours, Larry and I went with Chris and Keith to Key Largo to visit a couple of friends of theirs. The couple, Paul and Jack, had called the day before to invite Chris and Keith on a boat ride the next day. Since Larry & I were Chris & Keith's houseguest, they asked if we could come along and Paul & Jack said yes.

So, anyway, sometime during the hour or so long car ride, Keith mentioned that Jack was red headed. Having had relatively little sleep the night before and having met more than my fair share of red heads who aren't really red headed, I didn't really think too much about it, especially considering that Jack was somewhere in his forties. So when we got to their house, mostly what I noticed was it's lack of bars on the windows and it's ocean view... of course, then Jack opened the door.

Yep, he was red headed... and yep, he was forty-something.


He was wearing a button down shirt with a t-shirt underneath and a pair of Bermuda style shorts. His top shirt's arms were pushed up just enough so that I could see that his arms were covered in orange fur. His legs were stocky and freckled. His moustache was about three shades lighter than his hair. I was gone.

And so, trying not to look, I went out on to the deck to meet two friends of his and Paul's.


March 21, 1998 - Saturday


Chronology may be off slightly as this happened a week ago today.

By the time Paul arrived home (about an hour later), the cat was out of the bag: Jack knew I thought he was attractive. By the time we'd finished lunch at the Marriot (about two hours later), the cat was out of the bag and dancing on the ceiling. Larry even made me tell the table how I remembered which of the two was Jack and which was Paul. -- I'd told Larry, Chris, and Keith in the car drive to the Marriot, I remembered Jack was the red head by thinking Jack was the one I'd want to "Jack me off" .

Anyway, near the end of lunch, we were talking about how Jack needed to drive the boat back to the house (It was docked a small piece away), and someone -- I really don't remember who -- suggested I ride with him. That sounded great to me, but as Paul hadn't indicated one way or the other whether he was ok with my flirting with his husband of 20 years, I didn't say anything.

And so, we each went to our cars and I got in the van with Larry, Chris, and Keith. Larry playfully asked what I was doing then said I should ride with Paul, Jack, and their two friends. I said, no, that I was fine, but Larry got out of the van and stopped their car. He opened my door, pulled me out, and put me in the back seat behind Jack.

As we were driving back towards the house, I kept thinking how koool it would be to ride on the boat, just Jack and I, but like I said, I didn't know what Paul's take was on the situation, so I didn't "count my chickens". I mean, he was the strong, silent type, from what I could tell... pretty much opposite from the "sure, you can flirt with him" type.

So, anyway, we were riding in the car and either then or sometime before we left for the Marriot, Jack talked about how some lady that used to work with him harassed him about not being a real red head. He said one day he just pulled down the front of his pants and showed her that he was, in fact, truly red headed. All I could think was that I wished he'd prove it to me, too. -- Looking back now, I would guess that it was in the car that he said that... because I don't think he knew the extent to which I was attracted to red headed guys after we left the house.


Argghh... this just isn't flowing.

So, anyway, we got to the boat and everyone got out. I still wasn't sure about Paul, but when Larry suggested I get on the boat, I did... figuring at the worst I could just say that I was doing what Larry told me.

Long story short, Larry got on the boat too... but Jack and I rode separately on the upper part where Jack drove. During the five minute or so drive, we talked about things like his attraction to red heads himself and he flirted back a little... but I didn't get a visual confirmation that he was a true red head, if you know what I mean. -- Not that I needed it to know for sure, but, well, you know.

After docking at their house, we all got on the boat and headed out into the ocean a bit. The flirting with Jack increased a little, but still stayed at a VERY low level.

When the boat trip was over, we went back to the house and Paul asked if we (Chris, Keith, Larry, and I) would like to come along with some friends of his for dinner. Larry and I said it was up to Chris and Keith and they said yes.

Between then (around 5:30PM) and dinner (6:50PM), Jack and I playfully flirted a little more. It was nothing big... just little conversations like:

He said something about how Paul had been wanting him to get a job with the airlines.
"As a stewardess?" I quiped back.
"This would make me a steward", he responded.
"I wouldn't know. I haven't seen it." I finished.

He explained that he meant in cargo handling, but it was little stuff like that... and the occassional wink... little stuff that gives you that "Aww... he likes me" warm fuzzy feeling.

During dinner, I sat next to Jack with Paul on his other side and Larry on mine... still wondering what Paul's mindset was, but figuring that Jack knew him well enough to know if he should stop. I mean, I could tell that Paul wasn't vehemently opposed to my flirting with Jack, but he wasn't egging it on like Larry: Larry sat Jack and I together.

As the meal went on, the flirting increased. It was still just little stuff, though... like I grabbed his knee once and he said, "You missed."... but it was still nice.

When we got back to the Paul and Jack's house, it was around 10PM and I was tired. My playful day of flirting was done and I had had my fun. But just to add the ultimate icing on the cake, Jack came over and grabbed my shoulder. He whispered, "I asked Paul if I could take you in the bedroom and show you, but he said 'No.'" It didn't even matter that I didn't get to see. The fact that he was wanting to show me was more than enough.

Two South Park episodes later, we said goodbye and got in the van, heading back to Maimi.

Later Larry said that he knew neither Jack or I were leaving Paul or him for the other, so why not flirt... and that he asked Jack if he'd show me. Oh well, Larry may have asked, but I still think Jack wanted to do it.

Sunday morning, Larry and I woke and spent an hour or so with Chris and Keith before we left back towards Fort Myers (where Katie and Mom were staying with Warren and Selma) then on to Orlando to catch a plane to LA. Remarkably, the house that had scared me and the guys with whom I wasn't comfortable just two days before had grown almost familial. I mean, when I woke up Sunday morning, it was like waking up in my grandmother's house. It had the same feel, the same quality of being small, yet being a place where people loved each other. It's a hard concept to describe, but suffice it to say that I'd pretty much done a 180 and was a tiny bit sad to be leaving.


March 23, 1998 - Monday


This past week back in LA has been hectic... but not too terrible.

Monday night, Larry and I met Rich at Stuart Anderson's Steakhouse in Burbank for dinner then came back to the house to end up in the hot tub. The three of us played around in there for a few minutes then towelled off, went inside, and got onto the bed. Rich, still a little nervous about the whole "gay" thing, left before anything got too hot and bothered, though.

When Larry and I were talking about it later, I told him that Rich's leaving was fine with me. Not that I wasn't having fun, but there's a whole bashful part of me when it comes to sex (believe it or not). I think that's a big part of the reason I mostly just like to look. I mean, I'm not afraid of being naked in front of other people, but, being totally honest with myself, I consider sex something special. I know that's not what you typically hear nowadays, but that's the point. It's one thing to see me naked and grab a few feels in the hot tub. It's a whole different level to be with me when I have an orgasm, know what I mean? For some guys, they'd rather have sex with you than tell you their favorite color. I guess I'm just the opposite, I'll share myself mentally with the world, but I keep a distance physically.


Today I've been looking for a new web hosting service. It seems every company I use lasts for about a year then things just aren't uploading and downloading fast enough (or at all). This time I'd like to ask for help from you guys. I mean, who better knows which hosts have the quickest downloading sites: Do you know a gay web site that's consistently blazingly fast loading? Are you a techie with personal experience? (I may need some assistance moving the scripts.) Any help would be greatly appreciated. Just e-mail it to newhost@koool.com -- If you think koool.com downloads fast enough already, I'd like to hear that too. I'm just trying to make an informed decision.


After spending a good chunk of today completely frustrated at not being able to upload anything (including this diary page), for some unknown reason, the FTP server is now responding normally. Of course, just like a relationship, when things are functionaling normally, you're a lot less likely to move elsewhere. Inertia... it effects more than the physical.

On a related note, I was thinking, "If anything else in our lives worked like the net, we'd get rid of it." I mean, think about it. If your satellite or cable service only functioned part of the time, or drew in the picture at an unbelievably slow frame rate, you'd replace it. If your car only started some of the time and ran into roadblocks a lot of the time, you'd find some other way to travel. Yet the net encounters all those problems and we keep coming back. I would only guess that it's because it provides something completely impossible otherwise. I mean, like instead of reading this webpage, you'd somehow find a newsletter I was publishing? Not very likely. I guess like most things, it has its good and its bad and as long as the good outweighs the bad, we'll keep on coming back.

As for that inertia comment, I'll most likely be staying with my current host as long as everything's working within acceptable ranges. Some days it appears to be great. Other days I wonder why I haven't moved before... but like I said up there a few hours ago, what's your opinion? I need to know before I can make any decision.

In other news, in just over an hour, I'll be leaving to go to school, fighting the Academy Awards to get to class. See, USC and the Shrine Auditorium are just a four lane street apart. Last week they were putting up banners and bleachers and well, I could turn E! Television on right now and see Joan Rivers over at campus. To some people I guess it would exciting that she and hundreds of other movie stars will be within five hundred feet of me, but I'd rather stay here at the house. Oh well, it was just a little bit of interesting info, so I thought I'd throw it in here.


March 28, 1998 - Saturday

8:30AM - Mountain Standard Time

After not really having too much difficultly with traffic (I parked in a lot on the opposite side of campus), I ventured up to Jefferson Blvd. to see all the hub bub first hand Monday night... but by the time I got there, all I saw were Oscar® statues, cops, and limos. I walked a little closer, thought for a second about how all those movie stars were located right there, then went to class.

Later, perhaps that night or the next day, I told Larry about all the limos and how he'd never gotten a limo for me. I mean, I've repeatedly play harassed him about getting a limo from the airport for a while now. (I didn't go to prom with anyone and I'm not Catholic, so I never had any of those limo-required times as a kid. It always seemed like a fantasy, you know. Not like a red head, a fantasy, but a fantasy, nonetheless.)

Anyway, I honestly thought the first time I ever flew out to California, Larry'd have one waiting... I was probably suffering from "delusions of grandeur" but if some guy was going to fly you out from Boston to LA to stay in one of his three houses and drive one of his cars, wouldn't you think he'd send a limo to pick you up... instead of his assistant like he did? Anyway, that's what I thought and ever since, I've been wondering (and occassionally vocalizing) about whent that limo is going to appear.

My comments on Monday or Tuesday were met with an "Oren's going to have one to pick us up at the airport Wednesday morning." Of course, us was he and his assistant Peter, not he and I. (Larry was flying to New York for a one day business trip.)

So, that was that... until yesterday morning.

Larry said, something like "Go ahead and take these out to Val in the van." He'd said the night before that Val (the nanny) was going to be driving us to the airport, so I took a couple suitcases and walked out the front door. When I got to the top of the steps, though, I saw a limousine with its trunk open and a short guy in a suit standing next to it. Needless to say, I was stunned, and when the driver asked, "There are two of you?" I stumbled over the words and said something like, "No, ... um, ... three... I'm sorry I was expecting the nanny." I gave the driver the two suitcases then walked back inside with a huge smile on my face.

Larry asked, "Is he naked yet?" and I perplexed back. I mean, I knew Larry was joking. I mean, I thought Larry was joking, but I didn't even really notice the driver enough to know if he was gay. He couldn't be some stripper/limo driver, now could he? I mean, the logistics alone wouldn't let it work.

With the next trip out to the car, I noticed the driver in more detail. He was, simply, an overly tanned, muscled, extremely white teethed West Hollywood clone. The driver wasn't some stud muffin to me, but that didn't matter. What did matter is that Larry got the limo for me.

So, not caring about the driver's looks, we eventually all got inside the car and headed off to the airport. I called Mom to let her know how we were going to the airport and tried to impart the "Wow!" factor onto Katie who regarded the car as nothing extremely special. I fiddled with the TV and took a business card. I was having fun. -- Before we got to the airport, there was a traffic jam and the limo managed to pull right in front of people. I mean, the cars stopped so that the driver could pull in front of them. I couldn't help but think that the people in the other car were probably wondering who was the important person in the limo.

When we arrived at the airport, the driver got out and sat our luggage on the curb. Larry paid him some figure which he wouldn't and won't tell me, and then we checked our luggage. Later, I came to find out that another one of Larry's assistants (one who's gay and has some West Hollywood traits) had arranged for the limosuine thinking the driver was major eye candy. On the plane I wrote Larry a little note on a magazine subscription card which simply read, "Thank you for the limo." He knew all the inbetweens.

After travelling the majority of yesterday (We left the house at 7AM and arrived at our final destination of Telluride, Colorado, around 4PM), we had dinner with our househosts Mike and Robert and with Mike's sister-in-law and neices. We were pretty tired from the travelling and higher altitude (8,000 feet), but a few of us managed to stay awake to watch Ransom, a requirement for my film editing class which is due Monday night two hours after we get back at the LAX airport.

Speaking of school, I'm actually too busy with schoolwork to be here for this weekend of skiing, but the trip was arranged two or three months ago and cost Larry a pretty penny, so we're here. I'll let you know how it goes.


Around 10AM, Larry arrived back at the house from taking Katie to her ski school class. He and I then got dressed in our ski clothes and headed out, but by the time we'd gotten our boots and skis rented, it was almost time for lunch with Mike. And so, we took one long run though the heavy snowfall to end up at Big Billies restuarant. Now, saying heavy snowfall, I mean so much snow that I couldn't see in front of me, partly because it was too think and partly because the snow was melting on my sunglasses. And when I say heavy snow, I mean snow that was so heavy that I didn't want to ski. In fact, when Lary and I were heading down the run, I said something like "This is no fun." and he responded, "I was thinking the same thing."

So when we met Mike at the restuarant, we relayed out lack of having fun and basically decided that I'd head back to the house and he and Larry would go on a ski an hour or so until Katie's class was over at 3PM. When lunch was over, we went to our skis then said goodbye.

But, as I was riding back up the first lift, to get to the gondola back to Telluride the city, the snow stopped. By this time, Larry and Mike were off on another lift, and so, I decided I'd simply go skiing by myself for a while. I went back down the hill by Big Billie's then got on a lift that seemed to last forever.

When I got to the top, I began my descent and stopped to take a few pictures, just to illustrate how few people were there. I skiied a little further and then there was the option of taking a blue diamond (Intermediate Level) trail and I took it. It went down semi-sharply for a bit, then completely levelled out. I pushed and pushed and pushed with my poles. The snow was so deep from the recent flurries that my skis sank about three or four inches under the top. And so, for at least a good fifteen minutes or more, I basically cross-country skiied, which was not fun. This time, when I got back to the bottom of the hill by Big Billies, I got on the lift to go to the gondola and stuck on it.

Amazingly, as I was on that last lift at around 2:30PM, I heard Katie telling a big story to someone. I looked down and at least a good 100 yards away, I saw her class and her yellow jumper. I yelled "Katie" as loud as I could and waved. She waved back and on I went. I came back here and took a shower and am now writing this, watching the snow fall down just outside the window. It's picturesque, but I really can't fathom going skiing every day for months.

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