Justin's Life... February 2nd - 28th, 1999

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February 2, 1999 - Tuesday


After complaining about my toes, we decided to go eat at the restaurant on the top of the mountain. Of course, when we got to the top of the mountain, the restaurant was closed. So back down the slopes we skiied.

When getting back to the bottom, we all pretty much agreed that we'd had enough. My toes were in literal danger of frost bite. David's knee was really hurting... and well, Jeff was ok, but he empathized with us.

So, in short order:

  • We decided that sleeping-in in the cabin on Sunday morning would be more fun than getting up early to go ski.
  • Returned our rented skis and boots.
  • Headed back to the cabin.
  • And got in the bed buck ass naked and fell asleep.

*evil grin*

Yes, the three of us got into the bed, in our underwear, but then we removed it and fell asleep.

I know, it's hard to imagine that we just fell asleep, but that's what happened, and the nudity wasn't really a sex thing, but rather an extension of the closeness we all felt. It really was an awesome weekend of three guys just hanging out. I mean, we farted and burped and farted and burped and completely acted like big kids having a great time. Hell, we even played Twister just in our t-shirts to give it an added twist. But I'm jumping ahead of myself.

So, anyway, the three us slept naked in the bed for about three hours. When we woke at around 10PM, we remained on the bed, just talking, occasionally touching, but mainly just enjoying the moment. That's something I hardly ever do, but something I did a lot this past weekend. I hardly just ever live for the moment. I'm always worried about web sites, business, school, the future, etc. etc.. I never just forget about what is to come later and just enjoy what I have, where I am, now... but that's what we did on the bed Saturday night.

We talked about nonsensical stuff. We talked about life... we farted. It was so absolutely freaking koool. And such a welcome change. I didn't worry about being too fat and Jeff didn't worry about being too skinny and David didn't worry about anything either. We were just there, not judging each other, but instead enjoying each other's company. We were honestly as care free as three little boys. Words don't even really do it justice.

Alas, hunger called and so off to eat we went. We stopped in a little local Italian place where we had pasta then we headed back to the cabin where Jeff started a fire. We played Uno in front of the fire place until 1:30AM or so then fell asleep, back in the bed... this time in our underwear.


When I woke the next morning, Jeff was once again back in the twin bed in the other room. Apparently, the Queen size bed was just too small for three men to sleep comfortably... but I woke him up and he came back in the other room.

We talked on the bed for a bit then I asked if they wanted to play Twister in just their shirts. We'd talked about playing Twister naked before, like before Christmas before, and before like Saturday night before, so it wasn't a completely new idea. They said ok and so I put the Twister board out on the floor, we dropped our skivvies, and began spinning the spinner.

Before long, we were all tangled up, with heads under crotches and, as David put it "the smell of ass" in the air. Amazingly, the not-too-powerful-but-definitely-the-smell-of-ass smell made the game even more fun. Like I said before, there were no walls up, no one pretending to be anything he wasn't... and if you can be comfortable smelling, well, that, then you know that you're really comfortable with the people you're with.

So, anyway, we played twice then gave up. From there, we decided we needed to take showers before we checked out, so off to the shower I went. Somehow or the other, I honestly don't remember, the three of us ended up in the shower together and we took a shower, got out, and that was it. Well, ok, we did act like crazy naked super heroes, running around with our towels like capes, but that was it. Like I said, but like you haven't heard, it wasn't about sex or sexual attraction. Sure, stiffies were present at times, but we were sincerely just big kids.

We checked out of the cabin by returning the key to the rental office, drove around Jack In The Box, then began the drive back to LA. The roads were covered with snow, but the 4x4 made it without a problem, and when we got back to LA, we went back our respective house/apartments and, no doubt, fell asleep.

February 14, 1999 - Valentine's Day


Ever have one of those weekends that starts out on the wrong foot on Friday and keeps that same wrong rhythm for the rest of the weekend? That's been this weekend for me.

See, this weekend (and more specifically "today") is Valentine's Day, and I wanted to spend it with Larry and David. I thought the three of us could have a nice weekend here at the ranch, just laying back and doing nothing. Well, long story short, Friday was really rough for Larry and when I asked about David going to the ranch with us, it was more than a little obvious that he was quite stressed out otherwise and didn't want David's presence to add to it. I really wanted David to go as I knew if he didn't, I wouldn't see him on Valentine's Day, and who's who labels aside, David is someone I care about.

So, anyway, Larry didn't want David to go and I understood... but I wasn't happy about it. So I went to bed (on Friday) and that was that.

The next morning, just before I was going to take a shower, I asked Larry if he was still in his bad mood or could David go. He responded that he was in better spirits and that, yes, David could come along... if I didn't hang/hug on him too much. So I took my shower then called David... to find that he'd already made plans with his mother and brother on Sunday.

So, of course, my mindset went back to a place slightly better than the one it had occupied when Larry initially said no. I mean, even though he'd said that David could go on Saturday, his saying that David couldn't on Friday had caused him not to.

So, anyway, the weekend has just been crappy ever since. We've fought about David in one form or another, off and on, in ten minute stints since leaving the house in LA. In the car, in the house, and last night at dinner where we fought about how I want to fly back to Kentucky for a weekend with David to show him where I grew up. Larry thinks that my doing so would somehow diminish his presence there, or rather, he simply says that if I do, he could never go back in my parent's kitchen again. I mean, on one hand, I can see how the idea of me going back to Kentucky with David for a weekend is not an idea that he'd be excited about, but on the other, I think it completely discounts Larry's value to me and my family. So what if I spend a weekend with David in Kentucky? Does that totally negate the several weeks each year spent there with Larry, Katie, and Spencer (the new baby)? How does that one weekend become something more than the entire week that we spend during my Spring Break with my parents? I just don't get such drastic thoughts as "never setting foot in that kitchen again."

Anyway, when we got home from the restaurant, I gave Larry a hug and told him that I loved him even when we fought. He hugged me back.

It's still early Sunday, Valentine's Day, morning, so I'm going to do my best to not mention David at all today. My opinion's been made known and like I said, I don't understand it, but I might as well not exacerbate it.

February 15, 1999 - Monday


Well, yesterday went MUCH better than Saturday. In fact, Larry and I just spent the day in Bakersfield hanging out at the mall and looking at pool and air hockey tables. It was a nice break not to think about school or business or any of that stuff which seems to occupy and drain the brain so much.

February 16, 1999 - Tuesday


Last night I went to see the movie Blast From The Past with David, and during it, I had a semi-revelation. We all gripe about and/or wish how our lives could be more like the movies, when in reality, our lives are like the movies. I mean, I've had this little semi-revelation before, but it never fails to amaze me.

Just think about it. How often have you thought about what it's like to be a movie star or to live the life of the characters on screen? It's so much more glamorous than your life. It's so much more meaningful. It's so much more... but it isn't.

As for being a movie star, it isn't glamor, money, fame, and riches 24/7. There's a lot of work, a lot of pretending to be someone you aren't (off screen), and a lot of never being anonymous. It's something that you and I take for granted, but think about how it would be if you couldn't go anywhere without being disguised. Think about how it would be if you had to attend function after function and meet and hang out with people you didn't like. Or think about how it would be to have to kiss someone's butt, just hoping for the day that you would be bigger than they were so that they would have to kiss yours, just to still be less than someone else on the whole Hollywood scheme of things... And even if you were famous, there would always be a host of people who didn't like you, many moreso than if you weren't famous at all.

Take Andy Garcia. He came to my film class last week to talk about his movie Just The Ticket which we watched in class before his arrival. Well, a fair share of people were ready to kiss his ass, don't get me wrong, but there was an equal or larger number, like myself, who couldn't care less about him and thought his movies are a waste of celluloid. His movie (and his character in the movie) were so boring that I would have left had I not been in class. And while he seemed like an ok guy, I would have ranked him near last in the list of "Who I Want To Talk To" in the theatre/classroom.

But I digress. The main point I was making is that we all live lives just like those characters on the screen. Most of haven't yet reached the nice Hollywood ending, but each day, you go out into that world and do something just like those characters on the screen.

Take a step back and realize that while there may be no camera crew following you around, you are living a movie.

February 21, 1999 - Sunday


When I went to sleep Friday night, I wasn't feeling especially wonderful. Actually, my throat had been hurting since early in the afternoon and thinking I felt warm, I had taken my temperature to find that it was 99.5 degrees.

Anyway, I went to bed not feeling too good and at around 5AM, Larry woke me to say that he thought I was dangerously hot. -- I'd actually woken him earlier to tell him that I was freezing, but he fell right back asleep and I didn't pursue him turning up the heat.-- So, anyway, when we took my temperature at 5AM, it was 103.9 degrees. Larry wanted me to cool down and suggested I take a shower, but being mostly asleep and not feeling great, I didn't especially care for the idea of getting naked and into the shower... so I opted for some ice water and gagging through a gargling of Listerine then I went back to bed.

When I woke Saturday morning, my throat was better to a small degree, but it still hurt to swallow and I spent about two hours just laying and sitting up in the bed. Nevertheless, Larry had mentioned Friday that he wanted to go to Vegas and again asked Saturday morning if I thought I was too sick to go. I really thought there was no chance that we would go and I didn't want Larry to think that we couldn't go because of me, so I said that I was up to going. The next thing I knew, Larry was calling the airlines to see about getting a plane ticket.

Long story short, by Saturday night we were in Laughlin, Nevada, a casino based town right on the Nevada/Arizona border.

So, anyway, we found our rinky-dink hotel (as all the nicer hotels in Vegas and Laughlin were booked), then drove the car to park in the Golden Nugget parking lot. After eating at the characteristically inexpensive casino buffet, we went back upstairs to the casino itself and began looking for a $5 minimum table with two seats available. Before long, it was fairly obvious that we weren't going to find one, so we decided to try the next casino and walked to The Pioneer Hotel and Gambling Hall next door.

Finding a low minimum table with two open seats proved impossible there, too, so Larry sat down at the $3 table and I began walking around the floor. I turned $5 into $15 on roulette then found a $5 blackjack table next to Larry's and began playing.

Before long, my five dollars had turned into two hundred and I was feeling really great. I usually lose about a hundred a day, so having only played five dollars cash and now having over $200 in chips, I was pretty psyched.

Then, as luck would have it, the couple seated next to Larry got up and he motioned for me to come over. I was on a hot streak where I was, but I figured that since I was there with him, I should sit next to him and share my excitement. So I went over and sat down... to Larry telling me that Susi, the dealer, had been taking all the table's money. In the whole luck and chance thing of gambling, to move from a dealer where nearly everyone is winning to one where everyone is losing is NOT a good thing... but I began playing and didn't think a whole heckuva lot about it.

A few hands later, the shit really started hitting the fan... and I don't mean that I was just losing money. I was playing my cards, just as I'd played at the other table, and Susi, the dried up old hag of a lady dealer (to put it nicely), started going off on me. I mean, this wasn't the look of disgust that some unfriendly dealers have been known to express at non-traditional plays, but she was basically putting a curse on me. I mean, she was saying stuff like "How old are you? Are you sure you're 21?" as to imply that I didn't bet like a 21 year old and when Larry tried to come to my defense, she started going off about how it was bad when someone didn't play by the book and screwed up the whole table. It was like she had some personal vested interest and was just spewing forth vile vibes. I tried to say something about the cards being stacked the way they were stacked and that my taking or not taking a card was just as likely to help others as to hurt, but she gave me open mouthed how-could-you-be-so-stupid dirty looks of contempt. When I tried telling her about the casino always having better odds than the players and that playing by the odds would always make the casino win in the long run, she just went off and started telling me about how the casino had me the moment I walked in the door because all they needed was 18%, whatever that means. Needless to say, I did not appreciate being accosted and got mad and left.

Of course, it was mid-hand when I was so mad that I had to leave and when I tried to pick up the chips on the current play, she said "Don't you dare touch those chips." I was so mad that I wasn't thinking about how the current hand was being played, but anyway, I won that hand and left... and left the casino with $191 of their money.

If I didn't have such an aversion to confrontation and complaining to authority figures, I would had told the pit boss about her. I mean, why does she give a rat's ass how I play? She wasn't making or losing money either way. I still may write a letter to the casino... it was really that upsetting.

Of course, Larry kept smiling the rest of the night as I kept going on and on about how much of a bitch she was. Oh, and incidentally, when we were back at the Golden Nugget, Larry said something like, "See that black guy there?" He then went on to tell me that when the guy sat down at the table with Susi at The Pioneer, it was painfully obvious that she didn't like him and that she was talking to everyone at the table except him... So apparently she had more than enough ill will to go around.

Anyway, Larry and I got back in the car and went on to Harrah's, where we found a table together, met really nice dealers, and gambled until late in the night.

This morning, we woke and went back to Harrah's, where the dealers were still nice and where I picked up another $100. Overall, it was a really nice trip... at least the bitch dealer Susi gave us something to talk about.

February 28, 1999 - Sunday


The last time I went to a comedy club (at least as best I can remember) was in Boston to see Judy Tenuta more than three years ago. So when Larry suggested that he, David, and I go to the Comedy Store in La Jolla, I thought it could really turn out to be a great night. I mean, with Judy Tenuta, I laughed so hard that I cried, and while I figured that it wouldn't be that funny, I did think that I'd be laughing pretty hard before the show was through.

So, anyway, we got to the club and the seating guy asked if we wanted to sit on the front row; that sounded great... but one thing I was majorly overlooking in my assessment of the night and the seating was the fact that Judy Tenuta has a big gay following.

The first guy wasn't five minutes into his act when he started talking about how he worked in West Hollywood at a bank. He then went on to imitate a lispy gay guy. It wasn't funny to me, but I kept a half-smile on my face, just to be nice and not look angry... as to surely cause him to single me out.

Well, needless to say, my night was shot from there on out. I tried keeping a smile on my face, but until the last joke was told, I sat there worried about that comic and the one who followed him turning over and starting to apply his lispy gay guy humor to the three of us. The second comic, in his set about being Italian, had a "fucking faggot" here and there and a schpeel about going to a gym in West Hollywood where he accidentally looked at another guy's crotch. In hindsight, it was quite obvious that the three of us were gay, simply for the reason that the entire front row was boy/girl pairs except for us. 8 couples and three guys; as Larry said, even if we hadn't been gay, the comics/crowd would have assumed we were and applied the gay jokes to us.

So, anyway, the first comic asked David something about the strap-on jokes and the second said something like, "Don't look at each other like that in front of me" when I happened to turn to David to look at him about the previous joke. Had I thought that it was just a routine, I would have laughed too. I mean, Judy Tenuta DEFINITELY has a whole routine about gay guys, but it's more endearing than alienating. Hearing the eeewws from the audience when the comics talked about something gay just sorta reinforced that us versus them mentality... and I thought it just further enforced those gay-guys-are-freaks mentalities that the, for the most part, less-then-average-intelligence audience already had.


Of course, life is a lot more than nasty card dealers and offensive comics, but each of these entries takes, on average, one to two hours. It's hard to find time between life, business, and school to write about the day to day things and sometimes it sorta comes off like a soapbox when I do write, riding in the car back from the weekend trip, when I finally have the time. That said, I could easily get on my soapbox during the week, complaining about things like gratuitous violence in the movie The Corruptor, which we watched in class, if I had the time, but my point is that I do have normal day to day life things, and I hope to endeavor to write more about those soon.

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© 1999 Justin Clouse


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