Justin's Life... May 30th, 1999

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May 30, 1999 - Sunday


Thinking about things lately, I realized that while the negative e-mails I receive are FAR outnumbered by the positive ones, I rarely write about the positive ones. That, in turn, doesn't really represent the e-mail I get, so anyone reading this is left with that misrepresentation. It's not a new thought, but in light of the whole "husband/marriage" terminology letter, I rethought it.

True, the one negative letter did have more of a singular impact than any of the positive ones, but for someone reading this, for someone without access to my entire e-mail, the positive letters are never noted, recorded, or even mentioned.

And so, I want to show you that in the two and a half weeks since the "husband/marriage" terminology entry, I got all these e-mails:

Don Said...
You know, you can never please all of the people all of the time, nor should you have to or try to. Your life is yours and you allow us a glimpse into it, for that, I and many others are thankful for your openness.

Perhaps my memory is just too short, but I hadn't remembered you referring to Larry as your husband in the past. I was touched when you said that. I think you are right when you said the person probably wasn't in or had never been in a long term relationship. I am in a long term relationship and I share in your feelings that because you are married that you can still find others attractive. In my case my relationship is with a female. I have been married for 6 years, but going into all that isn't the reason for this email. People criticizing you, your life and your thoughts prompted your "It's all gone" entry. Sometimes the delete key is the only option. I personally think the entry just before the "It's all gone" was the most heartfelt you had ever had.

I think what you and Larry have is a beautiful thing. Katie and Spencer are truly lucky to have the two of you.

Dave Said...
It never even occurred to me as one who has followed you through the diary (almost since its beginning) <and the newsletter, for that matter> that there would have been a problem with your last two diary entries. I agree with the entry today and with what your wrote in your reply. When LTRs (whether straight or gay, for that matter) last longer than many marriages, and when these LTRs (both straight and gay) can including raising children, this concern about the formalities gets a little overstated. I would much prefer to see children raised in loving homes involving unmarried partners, than in homes with marriages that do not work, and who feel compelled for religious reasons or cultural reasons or peer pressure reasons to maintain a home where the pain (and worse, the hate and violence) become evident.

Go get 'em!!

Bill Said...
I liked your response to the "how can you call yourself married" guy.

My history (very brief): My husband and I have been together 10 and 1/2 years. We have had, from the beginning, a "look but don't touch" policy concerning other men that we've both gladly adhered to. But that's who we are. It's not you; it's not Larry; it's not etc, etc, etc. It works for us.

Bottom line: You and Larry really shouldn't have to "justify" your relationship to anyone. If it works for you, that's all that matters.

I read your diary for a look into someone else's life that is different from my own. If your life mirrored mine, I would lose interest. Sure, several times I have wanted to fire off an e-mail to you with my opinion on something you did -- sort of like I'm doing now, I guess! -- but, unless you ask for advice, I refrain.

Keep on doing what's good for you! (That's my unsolicited advice for today...)

Curtis Said...
thank you for an answer I have struggled to find. Once one reads your entry I think this will help many to realize there own struggles dealing with questions of marriage and long term relationships are rooted in a fantasy heterosexual world, and when I say many I mean both straight and gay.
Mitch Said...
I may be out of line here. And if I am, I apologize. But, after reading your latest entry I thought I would add my 2 cents worth. I realize with your online diary that you are an online media personality and that you feel the need to answer your critics. However, who the hell do they think they are criticizing what you may chose to do and how you regard your relationship ? As far as I am concerned, (and of course since I am writing this who else's opinion would this be) they can fuck off. How you lead your life is yours and Larry's business - no one else's. And I don't know why you take the time to respond. Everyone's life is their own business. If they don't like yours - don't read about it. Or at least, don't critique it.

No one's life is perfect. As long as you are happy (and I assume you are), that's all that matters. Screw them.

I don't know why this is such a big deal to me. Something inside just snapped. Anyhow, how you lead your life and how you to choose to portray it in your online diary is your business. I, for one, enjoy it and look forward to the latest updates. And I am sure most of your readers feel the same way.

Stan Said...
I don't understand, Justin. What do people want from you? I mean, here you are, being perfectly honest to your readers, being a HUMAN BEING, and people think they have the right to question your lifestyle? This really flips me out.

I WISH I could find the type of relationship you and Larry have.

Personally, I get a lot out of your more "personal" entries about the intimate details of your life. While I do enjoy reading about your experiences at school and such, I really like the entries that discuss your relationships, the people you meet and find attractive, etc. I guess that makes me a voyeur, and that's OK. But being a voyeur does not give someone carte blanche to judge and criticize your actions and lifestyle, especially since we only read about such a limited fraction of your life.

Anyway, PLEASE do not let these criticisims get to you. Concentrate on the many people that you help - that need to read that you, Larry and another man can share intimate moments in a mature way - because THAT is reality, and you are not alone in your lifestyle and your choices....

Sorry to rant, bro. I just want you to know that there are many of us out here who are mature enough to handle your honesty without passing judgement.

Drew Said...
Well, buddy. This is it. My last email until this fall when I go to Montevallo. It has been an interesting year and I am glad to have shared it with you. You have definately made a difference in my life. I owe a lot to you Justin, and for that I want to tell you thanks. It is funny, one of my friends told me that I didn't come outta the closet, I fell out of it. I owe most that to you ;-)
Dennis Said...
Quickly read your journal. Don't exactly know what somebody emailed you, nor do I care all that much. However, my take on it is you fell in love with Larry and he with you. Larry sounds like he's confident that you can have your "flirts" and he will still be an integral part of your life.

Sounds like a marriage to me. :)

I thoroughly enjoy your writing. I particularly like the way you posted the short cute hairy blond guy's picture twice. :) I also like the feel of your own font. Gives it a more personal feel. I like that.

Have a great weekend... Glad you and Larry are getting along so well. Sounds like your family has really taken to him. Like I said, sounds like a marriage to me! :)

Lisa Said...
I'm a regular reader and visitor of your site. I'm female, but your life intrigued me on my first visit to your journal a couple of years ago, and have visited ever since. I live in a smallish British Columbia town, which has a large gay/lesbian population. My good friend Garth reminds me a lot of you in some ways, and the things in life you go through. I introduced him to your site, but he does not have internet access, so he visits only occasionally...

I wanted to say I agree with what you had to say about marriage etc. People have to understand the marriages and families come in all different kinds. What a boring place this would be if we were all the same, hey? It's the feelings that are there that count the most.

Brian Said...
Have a great week with your family and a wonderful graduation. Tell your parents that I said Hi. Make sure they know that their son has helped a gay guy, me, believe being gay is ok. (Being honest with myself is so nice and natural. I wish that I knew you in high school.)
Jeff Said...
I sometimes feel almost naughty for reading your entries. It's like I'm doing something I shouldn't. But it intrigues me cuz my life isn't like yours and I'm somewhat envious. Of course, that may be cause I'm living in West Virginia, I dunno :) About those people saying stuff about you... Where do they get off? If you think about it, we are ALL normal. Everything we do is normal--to us. Nobody has the right to judge how we live our lives and if they are CHOOSING to read about yours then can choose NOT to as well. That kind of stuff agravates me about people. Anyway, I guess I'm done venting. I hope you continue to write everything you want and don't care about what other people are thinking cuz there are plenty of us out there who think what you are doing is good.
John Said...
I was doing a lot of soul searching and web surfing recently and got to ur site thru multiple links. I wanted to finish reading everything you documented before emailing u, but the anticipation was killing me. I had so many things i wanted to say and was afraid i might forget them by the time i was done. You gotta admit your site is pretty huge.

I'm a 21 year old senior...


I was feeling desolate once again, so I followed his #1 link and that was to ur site.

I guess my whole point of writing to u is to find someone to confide in. You said u get tons of email a day but did say you read every one of them. You guys are such role models cause not only are u openly gay but also reveal ur everyday lives to ppl all over the world!

I wish i could practice what u preach.

Mike Said...
Hope you don't get anymore self-righteous moral police letters but it's kind of a false hope I'd imagine. I'll admit your relationship with Larry isn't something I would necessarily feel comfortable with but I'm just figuring this relationship stuff out so I'm hardly one to judge. I think sometimes people use "moral conviction" as way to deny how they really feel. There are billions of unquie people on the planet. I don't see why there shouldn't be an equal number of different types of relationships.
Diana Said...
I am a perfectly happily married mother of a three-month old (that makes me sound so old, but really I am only 26), and I just had to write to tell you that I have been following your journal for two years now. I am addicted to your life ;). I started reading your journal at work (and subsequently got quite the talking-to from my MIS department regarding the content of my web usage [heeheehee]), and now that I am at home with my daughter, I check in frequently.
Jeffery Said...
I just wanted to say that your site is great. I have been reading "Justin's Life." It will take me a little time to read it all. I have only read "1999." I also think it is great that your site has helped people on their quest for happiness.
Chris Said...
I have been a follower of yours for about 1 1/2 years now as well as a subscriber to your newsletter. Please let me tell you how much I love your site. It is great to see someone that is so open about themselves and their life that they are willing to share it with the world. I hope that there are many gay youth who read your site. The site coupled with your outlook offers a very positive outlook to gay youth and they gay community. Heck, it is even a positive site for the straight community. If more people realized that gay men are no different from their straight counterparts, the world would be a better place.
Daniel Said...
if you are ever feeling down about yourself or about your capacity to make a difference in the world, please read over your entry about taking Spencer to the hospital. I don't know enough about his medical situation to say whether or not you saved a life, but you certainly helped him and eased his suffering. Had you not taken the strong direct actions you did, things might have turned out far worse.

Also, I think I finally understand something you have been trying to get across ever since you began publishing your thoughts online. When you used "normal" as the adjective you wanted to have people associate with being gay, that always bothered me. In my experience, people don't tend to use that word unless they are being negative about how non-normal someone else is.

But you want to be able to claim normal as the way you see yourself and how you want others to see you. I want the same for myself and I think others do as well. So I finally get that.

Tara said...
So I did it!! What you ask??? I spent the entire week at work reading your diary/life. I love it. It is so fascinating to me that you can put yourself out there.

I consider myself a very honest person and very few people meet my standards (totally not trying to sound conceited) I just have high expectations of what/ who people should be and I gather my interpretation of the world isn't one that most people get, and then there is you. Don't get me wrong there are points in your life that I look at in wonder but it is more intrigue than anything else.

Ok--so I make no sense..(story of my life) Anyway, so you will know what and who I am... I am a straight girl in my 20's and this last week has been the most boring of my life until I met you err read you at least. I just wanted to say thank you, for being honest and true and intriguing and beautiful...yadda yadda yadda. :) You get the point. Please keep writing and your critics be damned! You are absolutely amazing (so is Larry :)

Larry said...
Just finished reading all of your past and present journal entries. I thought that they were great and that it really gives a person a view into your life and how you have become the great sounding/looking person that you are... I think that you are right about you and Larry having something special because from the sounds of it you both do.
Cameron said...
On the topic of marriage, I have always maintained, and will continue to do so, that two people are married for as long as they agree that they are. What anyone else makes of it is really quite irrelevant and they should keep their notions to themselves.

Click here to move on to the next set of entries.

© 1999 Justin Clouse


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